Into The Attic With You

In Fellini's 8& 1/2 Guido has a dream. He comes home to a house filled with women. Most women, in this dream, willingly go up stairs when they get too old for his attention. When one doesn't want to go upstairs, he takes up a whip and seperates out the young and old.

Today, I came home to a similiar situation. I usually have a mixture of young and old books. Like Guido, I have strong preferences about age. Today I came home to find my living room and dining room and office filled with books under twenty-five years old. To the upstairs they go.

 This is another thing.

I Just Tried to Like a Comment on My Blog

Facebook has damaged my attention span and my responsiveness. Please read entries from "Writing is Easy" until I fix that.

www.justinkahn.com is for Sale.

For just $2,095 I can have my old domain name back. I guess renewing it for $9.95 last year would have made more sense. Hundreds and hundreds of people a day used to get redirected here. But then I got distracted. The prettiest girls weren't interested in somebody who wrote hours a day. Which was fine: 24 went off the air so I had less to say. My manservant started popping out babies, I lost the paddle to my bread maker and my long term, contingent fiancé moved to somewhere. DFW sent me some real mixed messages about how good the brain is at sorting out life. Plus, people stopped reading blogs in 2008. But now, I have sorted everything out. Everything that once confused me is clear. And I started writing under a penname. I have been writing brilliant works of fiction and sending them out under a different name so that I don't have to worry about how my uncompromising honesty would affect the people who I often write about. And best of all my penname, ujstinkahn.com is available for $9.99. I think I'm back on track.

DFW: February 21, 1962 – September 12, 2008

I Dream of Someday Writing an Entire Blog Composed of Quotations.

"Such romantic claptrap...such childish drivel...but the kid was in despair over his ruined ambitions, facing up to the fact that he didn't have it in him to do the one thing he had always wanted to do, and he ran off in an impulsive attempt to redeem himself in his own eyes."

---Paul Auster "Man in the Dark"

For further plagiarism see also The Most Essential Use of a Blog

Justin Kahn

is probably addicted to facebook.

Book Review Week Continued:Pride Cometh In the Summer.

Today we are reviewing a whole bunch of books I have on computers. These books contain every manner of deep wisdom about how complex computer systems work.












But beware! Read these books with humility. For if you do not, you will think that your mastery of the domain of computers and robots is complete and total. And then in a fit of genius you will take your ipod apart and have no idea how to put it back together again.

Book Review Week: "When You Are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris

Unlike Dave Sedaris' other books, this one is inscribed to my father. As a struggling writer, it is is nice to hear what already established authors, especially ones I personally value,have to say.


Because with all of the insecurities, all the doubts, all of the difficulties that are unique to being an author, one does often wake up in the middle of the night wondering, "But is my father enchanting?"




For Further Reading on How Great Authors have Reacted to Justin Please See:

Garrison Keilor.

Dave Barry.

So then, save me, save me.

Photo is courtesy of the very pious Radioactive Cotton.

The Practice of Medicine Used to Be About So Much More Than Just Getting Stuff That You Could Steal on Your Own.

I called and made an appointment!

I waited in the lobby and in the exam room!

The doctor gave me a prescription I could have "Picked Up On My Own."








And call me old fashioned, but if you steal OTC prescriptions at least you aren't responsible for killing the hundreds of trees necessary to wrap up single sample pills.

Family Circus

The parents are in town. That puts a lot of presure on me, because they always said when I was growing up that they wanted me to be more then just a really brilliant blogger.


You would think that being a really brilliant visual artist would count for something, but who can blame them if they just want me to get a book deal.


KEY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND AVANT GARDE ART.
J=Justin
M=Mom
D=Dad
L=Lexi
L=Leo
P=I forget because I drew this cartoon a few days ago, and can't remember what I was thinking.

Murder-Suicide?

No, just two lazy golden doodles engaging in marathon napping!

Roy G. Biv at Seventy.

I’d like to think I made a difference, but everyone does. And now I’m useless. The years of being around kids finally took their toll. Not the kids, themselves, of course. It was all the sugar that caused adult diabetes, which led to my cloudy, almost non-existent vision.

What is the world like? Colors could have changed a lot since I was in my prime. Or they could be nonexistent. I don’t know, and it seems I’m going to spend my last days never knowing.

I have my sense of smell though. That is something to pass on to the kids: Rancid. Odor Yucky? I could change my name—but why should I? I can’t think of any more words for odors. Not any that kids would have to know throughout their whole life. And even if they did have to know them through their whole life, it isn’t like they would ever visit me and tell me about how I helped them find the right word for talking about their experience.

They never visit, they probably don’t even remember me, after first grade.

Nothing Spells Truble Like Watching My Niece.

Lexi has only been here for an evening, and look at all the craziness she is already getting into with Leo.

It is going to be quite the week.

J. Kahn Apologizes in Advance to the Author for the Following Book Review.

A REVIEW OF “MOLECULAR REGULATION OF 23A2 SKELETAL MYOBLAST DIFFERENTIATION AND APOPTOSIS” BY DR. MARGOT FREER.

Ignore the Helpless Pleas of The Carrots and Radishi.

For sometime I have been eating as a vegetarian. This came about as a result of a number of important facts, i.e.

Fact The amount of grain that cattle consume could feed all of the currently starving poor.

Sometimes people challenge my statistics. So I throw red paint on them and yell, "Murderer!" This is because if I am not morally superior because of my food choices I really have nothing going for me, superiority-wise.

One of the great challenges of being a vegetarian is finding cheap, nutritious food that doesn't require a wife to prepare.

Recently I have stumbled upon pop rocks. It meets all of the basic requirements, while also serving to boost your brain power. Nourished by weeks of pop rocks I created a culinary masterpiece.

BONUS FUN VEGETARIAN SALAD RECIPE

1/3 cup of Lettuci
1 Gaggle of Radishi
1/5 cup of coleslaw
1 tablespoon of diced mint
1 lb of turnii
1/2 cup of croutons
3 lbs of pop rocks
A Cow (skinned)
1 cup of tablespooni
1 tomato
1 cup of other vegetables.


Mix Together!
Serve!
Eat!

People I Meet At the Coffee Shop from 9:00-5:00, Monday-Friday.

Q: True or False? all Regular Mid-Day Coffee Shop Patrons are unemployed, crazy or have leprosy?

A: True.

Which is why I figured that I should talk to them so as to get some blogging ideas.

Today, I met an elderly man, who is apparently retired. He was, he said, a retired doctor who devoted himself to Jewish Mysticism.

I asked him what sorts of works he was reading, and he said it wasn't entirely a question of reading.

"But I want you to read this." He gave me a photocopied packet. "Keep it."

"Well," I said.

He excused himself.

I read the article and here is a line from it "The danger is not that the golem…will develop overwhelming powers ;it lies in the tension which the creative process arouses in the creator himself.”

Oh, The Secrets I Could Tell You, But Won't Because I'm Just So Very Conscientious.

While on one of my daily visits to the grocery store I become concerned with what
happened to some of my favorite veggie-substitute products.

I don't know exactly why I need to buy veggie burgers and veggie monkey brains, but it makes me happy.




So, I asked the cashier what happened to the Morning Star Products.

She leaned in, actually they are making the {Our Store} Brand.

But I shouldn't even be telling you that.

I just looked at her.

Yet, deep down I knew that she was right. That's why I can't tell you what store, or what brand. But if I could tell anyone, it would be You.

Honestly, that just scratches the surfaces. I have secrets about how to improve your golf swing and how to know if S/He likes you and friends and family and the economy and work and the future and the lives of bees and my Own Personal Emotional Highs and Lows.

But like the proverbial grocer I really shouldn't tell you of such things.

Yet More of the Worst Spring Break Ever.

My whole life consists of grading papers, because honestly finding a non-leaking pen isn't that hard.

To cheer myself up, I decided to commission a portrait of me grading papers.

It is a good likeness, I think.

The Worst Spring Break Ever.

This morning two pens, leaked in my shirt pocket.

Call me a polytheist, but I believe that I have angered the fashion gods, due to maybe not paying homage to them.


On the upside, I will have a legitimate excuse, when I return to school. I.E.,Tried,to grade papers, but ran out of ink.