With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sunday Night I Had a Most Unpleasant Visit.






When I returned to the Garbage Can Perched on Top of a Roof, there was a man in my office.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"My blog ranking is in the top thousand of bloggers, that's who I am."

Getting, all psychoanalytical on him I said, "I don't want to know what valuable accomplishments you have achieved, I want to know who you are."

He got real close to me and said, "My watch is worth more than your car, that's who I am."

"You mean blue book? Because that isn't really that impressive." But I wasn't getting through to him. So I tried a different approach. "What are you doing here?"

"Sit down," the Alec Baldwin-Like figure said.

I sat.

"I'm here because Mitch and Murray from Blogspot asked me to come over here. They asked me to tell you that your numbers are down. Comments are down, links are down. Mitch and Murray doubt that people are reading if it isn't perfectly clear that Comrade K or that anagram girl are writing. "

"Look, I was going to get my act together, but day light savings time."

"Well you better make up for it tonight. Even if it means you only get 14 hours of sleep.Because Mitch and Murray are having a contest. First prize is you get to keep your blog. Know what second prize is? You're fired."

"What's third prize?" I asked.

He didn't answer me, but I got the distinct impression it isn't going to be good.

20 comments:

Susan Miller said...

J, I hope it helps that I find it hard to breathe without reading your words. My desire is so intense it shames me to the point I can't comment. What would I say? There are no words to describe the torment that is the beauty of your blog. May those that are envious of your powers allow you to be.

With everything that I hope us to always be,
S.

Curtis said...

I bet you would get way more hits if you would advertise like I do at http://techreviewbycurtis.blogspot.com.

Justin said...

Susan,
Because I believe that you really meant it, I'm going to totally overlook the fact that you skipped the "sir"--thing. Frankly, I forget myself during my inner monologues.

Anyway, I've also added you to my new blog roll. Not that is in any way a total repayment for your undying commitment to me and my blog.

j.

Justin said...

Curtis,
What was tht link again?

But I've added you to my new found blog roll too.

Still. Don't think that just because you are maybe the only friend I have left who doesn't live like 30,000 miles away, that I won't put a stop to this endless self-promotion of yours.

j.

Justin said...

Abracadabra--

You used to be the first for even the lamest of my posts. But where are you now?

j.

alecia. seriously that's my name. said...

i'm here!!
i was busy being super lazy all week, so sorry bucko.
i liked this entry for a few reasons:

1. you mention me by name. or, you know, kind of by name.
2. it says you might only get like 14 hours of sleep. that was funny.
3. it is before monday and you wrote. you've been switching it up lately!

also, to make this comment even longer, i wanted to let you know that i am returning to my place of work this week, so feel honored if you see me brewing up some caffinated concoctions.

ok. i'm spent.
my feet are cold.
i will comment like it's my job from now on BYEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Justin said...

Atlantic,
Six reasons I would have thought, "Wow, she really is supportive."

But to me three reasons seems a bit luke-warmish.

Like Maggie.

j.

alecia said...

MAGGIE RULES! SHE IS NOT EVEN LUKEWARM, SHE IS LIKE SCALDING HOT THIRD DEGREE BURNS TO YOUR FACE!

here are three more reasons:

4. you spelled everything right.
5. it is in english.
6. it is not in french.

tadaaaaa: SUPPORT!

Justin said...

Arkansas,

Ha. Well the french do suck pretty bad, but I'm afraid that is just too little, too late. What with the defense of Maggie who hasn't commented in maybe forty years.

Au Revoir,
j.

maleah said...

Alabaster's reason #4. is not quite accurate:

Actually, Justin is missing the word "it" after "If" about the guest bloggers and he misspelled "your." It's "You're fired."

Maleah

alecia said...

oh snap.

Justin said...

apricot--simmer down now. After all,

M,
I done look over me post and I ain't see no kinda thing wrong with it.

j.

maggie said...

you demand so much of me. isn't it enough to have your blog as my homepage? now you expect to read it? go as far as to ask that i leave comments and then insult me. thanks.

-m-

Justin said...

-m-,
Oh, -m-, please don't be mad at me, because that would mean the whole world is mad at me.

I appreciate your endless and undying support. I mean you are way ahead of Steve and "E-BIZ" in terms of support. You are Tied with alecia, but way behind Alex who commented on Glengary Glen Ross.

So thank you, and please don't hate me until a time when I am way more established in the world and my life isn't just one pathetic crisis after another.

j.

alecia said...

is e-biz my friend biz who works with us now?

hmmm.

Justin said...

anarchist,
Are you sure it is just biz?
j.


P.S. I think that is the best name I've come up with.

maggie said...

just to clear things up, i don't hate you.

dammit, i should have commented on glengary glen ross. i knew it too! i knew it too, i promise! does that help my ranking? all i really care about is my ranking...

-m-

possibly an anarchist said...

YES I'M SURE!
SHE'S BEEN MY PAL FOR LIKE 3 YEARS!
in yo face, foo.

hi maggie! you are at work and i was just there and now i'm not and i'm using justin's blog as a means of communication!

-alecia

Justin said...

art coffeefunkel,
My blog is not to be used for personal gains.

Thanks,
Sir Justin

p.s. this nickname felt a bit more contrived.

Justin said...

maggie,
Now that I know that you don't hate me I can say this with all authority:

You probably rented glengary glen ross when it was first released (1992) and now have $48,000 in fines.


j.