With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

In Which Justin Wrought a Good Deed at His Local Coffee Shop With Nothing More Than a Giant Heart and a Corporation's Newsletter.

My good friend, Bongo the Barista, (nee Steven the Immortal) has decided that it is time to learn how to read. I told him that I would happily help him, and if he could find a book, or some scrap of literariness, we could begin immediately.

He brought me a copy of his store’s newsletter which contained a letter from an appreciative customer. The English was not as precise as one might hope (especially one who is intimately acquainted with the works of Sir Thomas Browne.) Yet, one finds in the letter plenty to illustrate the beauty of the english language.

Anyway, the sentiment appears to be sincere enough. And for that reason, and that reason alone, I thought the letter worth sharing with the COI reading community:

Hello:
This letter to you has to do with the coffee shoppe on Coventry of Ohio. I am very much liking fine people and fine service, but am here to make recommendations and ask one question.

Are you having any Gluten Free Products inside the bakery shelf? It is very serious mater because I am with CYLLIAC SPRIE. I write to APPLEBEES corporation and they tell me very specific what I am too eat. Because if not, I should not eat there. My son look over website but he says my doctor is right. I must know this thing in Pdf, O.K.

It is true that People from under a soviet system are not friendly because one in ten people were informants! But I can tell THAT NO ONE AT STORE ON COVENTRY EVER LIVE UNDER SOVIET BECAUSE OF HOW NICE AND FRIENDLY!

Do you know the barstirs Stevens? I call him bongo because of the shape of his head! He think I funny when I say that and tell him a joke I hear. Bongo is very nice to me and my grandson when we come in on Tuesdays or Thursdays for the evening (5:30-6:30). I do not have last name.

It is true that I have the Gaggia machine, but I am just liking it made for me more and more by carribou! My grandson like hot chocolate and now won’t drink hot chocolate his mom makes. She blame this on coffee shop, but I say good for you. Very good tasteing espresso and even hot chocolate!

It is only the elderly lady with kids, but the barstirs are all so nice to my grandson, you think they have many kids too!

But my suggestion for you is with this: I bring laptop for work to use the Internet System. How come you are without the chains to the computer? Than I could use the bathroom without worrying my laptop system which includes many valuable documents. I saw this when I talk about polish literature in San Francisco at a cafe. It is not simple to explain, but you it is a chain to the table for computer hook. Then, maybe other compaies have the internets but only you have special fixtures for customers!

But I am not trusting with people. It is very strange sight to sore eyes to see the men and women go to toilet without computer. What of the Burglars?

Well, my family is to move me from people at the Slavic Center. I am not going able to walk so far at Coventry but I say THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR NICE PEOPLE and DRINKS TO MAKE ME AND MY GRANDSON HAPPY. AND THANK YOU FOR ANY FOOD LIST OF BAKERY I COULD EAT.

Nicholas Voinovich

8 comments:

alecia said...

what

alecia said...

the

alecia said...

hell?

Blaux said...

Oh me oh my oh.

Starbucks doesn’t have free internet so the bathroom is the only place in the place to log on. LOL

I’m not one to LOL at my own stories… my sister told me that one.

Justin said...

aaa,
Well, thanks for boosting my comment count.

jdk

Justin said...

blaux,

Poopie jokes crak me up.

Since you feel the same way you should read Rabelais.

j.

maleah said...

Thanks for the little droplets on my monitor when I laughed spit at this.

Justin said...

m,
Don't macs have a monitor cleaning system?

j.