Sunday Night I Had a Most Unpleasant Visit.

When I returned to the Garbage Can Perched on Top of a Roof, there was a man in my office.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"My blog ranking is in the top thousand of bloggers, that's who I am."

Getting, all psychoanalytical on him I said, "I don't want to know what valuable accomplishments you have achieved, I want to know who you are."

He got real close to me and said, "My watch is worth more than your car, that's who I am."

"You mean blue book? Because that isn't really that impressive." But I wasn't getting through to him. So I tried a different approach. "What are you doing here?"

"Sit down," the Alec Baldwin-Like figure said.

I sat.

"I'm here because Mitch and Murray from Blogspot asked me to come over here. They asked me to tell you that your numbers are down. Comments are down, links are down. Mitch and Murray doubt that people are reading if it isn't perfectly clear that Comrade K or that anagram girl are writing. "

"Look, I was going to get my act together, but day light savings time."

"Well you better make up for it tonight. Even if it means you only get 14 hours of sleep.Because Mitch and Murray are having a contest. First prize is you get to keep your blog. Know what second prize is? You're fired."

"What's third prize?" I asked.

He didn't answer me, but I got the distinct impression it isn't going to be good.

Justin Is In Intense Training.

"Few people love the writings of Sir Thomas Browne, but those who do are of the salt of the Earth."
--Virginia Woolf




You probably wouldn't know this, but I have started taking my writing seriously.

I have been training myself so that I may absolutely solidify my status as a top blogger in the fourth quadrant of Cleveland Heights.

I picked up on a habit, that many great bloggers have employed: I type out a page from a work of prose I want to emulate.

Example. Every morning for the last month I have typed out a page from Sir Thomas Browne. No doubt the more perceptive of my readers have already noticed that my own prose style has been heavily influenced by his.

I copy his words, gaining strength. I try to learn what made him great. Day after day, I try to model the movement of my fingers, the structure of sentences, the selection of ideas on Sir Thomas Browne.

Finally, the lessons of the master are starting to guide me.

If I am to be great, as Sir Thomas Browne was great, I must absolutely insist that I henceforth be referred to as Sir Justin Kahn.

Thank you,

--Sir Justin Kahn.