Dear Mr. Justin,
My name is Shannon R. Simpson and once a long, long time ago we were friends. That has all changed due to some, stupid, stupid decisions on my part and I would like to apologize for my past behavior. But, let me begin by saying that I do believe there has been a bit of a misunderstanding between us. This misunderstanding has sparked me to say and do things I never meant to say (send) and I believe the same on your part.
Truth be told, Mr. Justin, I am actually very sad that I will be missing the Cleveland Premeire of Helvetica tomorrow night. I must admit, and would prefer that you not share this item with your readers**, but sometimes I make fun of things (even though I might think they're exciting) that seem sort of nerdy, just so I look cool. I know it's wrong. And, I KNOW I would love every minute of Helvetica. I will anxiously await its arrival to DVD.
While a movie can be experienced by way of DVD on a later date, sadly the WVIZ/WCPN Globe in a Glass can not. The Globe in a Glass is an event I am very deserving of right now. I have been extremely stressed since a wizard, disguised as a Sears Air Conditioning sales person, failing to sell my husband an air conditioner, turned my dear Adam into a Ginger colored monkey (see attached photo).
When he is not gleefully allowed to ride holding on to my head he slings poop at everyone and everything and screams incessantly. My cats have run away and I haven't slept in 2 weeks. I am desperately trying to find the aforementioned wizard but not only does Sears not have any record of an air conditioning sales person named Mordecai, my good friend Tabitha upon touching my monkey/husband informed me that she believes Mordecai has orbed to another realm 622 light years away. This is perplexing to me mainly because I don't know what it means other than I have one mean fucking monkey on my hands now.
But, this is none of your concern. I don't want our friendship to end because I was lashing out over a personal situation that has nothing to do with you. Please forgive me Mr. Justin, and let us be friends once again.
Sincerely,
Shannon R. Simpson
PS Do you know anyone that wants a monkey?
**Lazy Ed.'s Note:Ooops.
5 comments:
You challenged Shannon to use the phrase "touched my monkey" didn't you??? Shame on you.
Make-up blogging is the best kind of blogging.
Does the photo not prove that none of this was made up?!?!!
S. Perhaps if you bought your husband a little fez he would feel a lot better!
J. I am prepared to let bygons be bygons.
The way you write about irony makes me laugh, very good.
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