With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

My Most Political Post Ever: How to Fight City Hall.

The fight with City Hall begins each morning when you get up and train. Remember when you are in a match, the power of your punch has to come from somewhere. If your whole body can contribute to the strength of your punches you will be the better fighter for it.

When you go for a run, listen to “Eye of the Tiger.” This may seem commonsensical but I’ve seen fighters forget this. No aspect of your training is unimportant. If you don’t care enough about your training to pick out a sensible soundtrack, you might as well go running back to your Mom right now.

Drink egg yolks for breakfast. I saw this in movies.

Familiarize yourself with local laws and statues. Research who top level officials answer to.

City Hall may not fight fair, but you should renew your commitment to fight honorably each and every morning.

No matter how small of a town you are fighting in, City Hall has a home advantage.
Work on your combinations.

Jab, cross, lead uppercut, rear overhand.

City Hall may raise questions of Natural Law, and the metaethical implication of law. These are distractions. Don’t waste your breath.

City Hall doesn’t necessarily make the best moves. Be prepared for any kind of attack. While anticipating a move will make you move .01 seconds faster if you are right, misjudging can slow you down by a full second. Stay loose, and try not to anticipate moves based on anything other than the body of City Hall.

Sometimes, I will pick up a new move from a martial arts movie. I just saw Shaolin Soccer and would recommend learning some of those moves.

I see it again and again. Young fighters will go for the face too quick. Boxers should wait until City Hall is tired. Kick boxers should remember to bring the face to the foot and not weakening your position by going for a kick to the face. The kick boxer should punch at City Hall’s stomach. Once keeled over City Hall’s face becomes vulnerable.

Keep your chin tucked and thumbs inside your fist.

Review tapes of City Hall before the match. Watch how she absorbs punches; how she is undeterred by psychological tricks; how she destroys all that show any sign of weakness. Be not afraid.

I meant keep your thumbs outside your first. You’ll break your thumb otherwise. I think that is how it works.

I’m sticking with the part about keeping your chin tucked.

Keep your chin tucked and eyes focused on city hall. Don’t be distracted by the Mayor. Don’t believe that the Mayor’s offer of the Key to the City is anything more than a ploy.

Remember: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

16 comments:

part-time buddha said...

Legal probelms Justin?

bitingblondewit said...

Um, Justin? Keeping your chin down is just fine, but putting your thumb inside your fist? Sounds like you hit like a pacifist. Has city hall levied a tax against pistachio nuts or something?

QuillDancer said...

Justin,
Please tell me city hall is not rezoning your glorious penthouse!? Or demanding your sister get a pet fancier's license for all those cats? Or demanding that you post mental health hazzards on COI?

stvnimmortal said...

stop fighting the power and come discuss more provincial pursuits at the coffee house.

Justin said...

p t b:
Indeed. I am just not made for the small town life my sister has me living.

j d k.

Justin said...

Oh bitingblondewit, if only thou wouldst read the whole post. j

Justin said...

quilly, you get three more guesses. And than after that, three more. j

Disciple Quilldancer said...

Justin, why is it that everytime I log into your site a very loud and obnoxious ad pops up?

Justin said...

steve-o (the immortal):

Since blogger emails me comments, I got yours in my inbox. Not immediately recognizing the name I assumed it was from the hot girl I met at the coffee shop around here. But its not. It's you. Which would be very, really, terribly depressing were it not for the fact that you are starting your own blog. That is good.

I am scheduled to return Sunday, unless I go to Chicago.

j.

QuillDancer said...

Guessing as ordered: City Hall has --
--given you a wholly unjustified parking ticket?
-- help you accountable for some unknowable and obsure traffic law?
-- failed to recognize your celebrity status as the creative genius behind COI?

goldennib said...

Justin: I saw a boxer bite another boxer's ear off. Is this an acceptable tactic to use against city hall?

Justin said...

quilly, you get an A+ for effort, but still you are a bit off. j.

Justin said...

goldennib! Don't be silly. City Hall Doesn't Have Ears. j

QuillDancer said...

Jutin -- I am just too law abiding to think of ways to get in trouble beyond speeding and parking tickets. What could you have possibly done to run afoul of small town city law if you didn't compromise the Mayor's daughter, or park your car at a hitching post?

bitingblondewit said...

Justin, I'm sorry! I was very busy today and could only skim...I focused on what jumped out at me. Which was the realization that in any kind of actual conflict, you could get hurt! To address that concern, maybe you should begin taking one of your sister's cats with you, everywhere, just for protection?

Bert Bananas said...

"I was very busy today and could only skim..."

There are countries being run on this basis... Big countries!