With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

From the Perspective of an Academician

Look. I enjoy a novel as much as the next guy. When I was a kid, I could hardly put down the ones about Batman. But there are certain issues on which you shouldn't confuse fact with fiction.

As you might know, I teach amongst other things Religious Studies. One of my specializations is in early Church history and the origins of religious systems.

You’ve probably heard from the news that I am being rather vocal about the up coming ‘Da Vinci Code.’ While it is marketed as a work of fiction, I feel that a disclaimer would be very much appropriate. I think my disclaimer is not unreasonable, and if you feel the same way, I’d encourage you to drop a letter to director Ron Howard. I include a draft of the disclaimer here, which would show before the first shot:

In this movie Audrey will be seen with another guy. This is totally a work of fiction. Audrey's heart remains with Justin.

(Screen cuts to 'slideshow' consisting of pictures of Justin and Audrey. )

Audrey and Justin are no longer going out. It probably hit Audrey harder than she realized. If her performance is in any way impaired, she asks that you forgive her.

(Return to final picture of Justin and Audrey. Using the special effects, the picture is ripped apart down the middle, to represent them breaking up.)

Justin for his part feels that he was a bit too rigid with Audrey. Since she insisted that prenuptials would be unnecessary, due to their near perfect love, it seems a bit silly for Justin to have insisted on them. But what is done is done and Justin Hopes that they can remain friends.

(Pictures of Audrey crying, realizing what she has done. Hold for twenty seconds. Fade into whatever the movie opens with.)

8 comments:

Jenn said...

You keep going through all these women...

Poor Audrey. I can just imagine how she feels.

Justin said...

The Harvard Girls was years ago and Audrey, oh Audrey. Not so long ago.

Anyway, maybe we should just have a podcast. My carpel tunnel is flairing up b/c of all this witty banter.

Jenn said...

OK, you see when you're all ironic and everything I don't get when you're serious.

So the carpal tunnel is real, huh?

Bummer.

(As for being a persistent spam bot - artificial intelligence and all that - we bots have to have a life too y'know)

part-time buddha said...

Deep down in my mind, in a passage darker than the last leg of the Trojan horse, I know that the true concept of irony is to make poeple think you're being funny when you're serious and serious when you're funny.

Bit it's best to pretend that everything Justin says is real. It's funnier that way.

kelmaree said...

They say that Americans don't understand the Commonwealth's particular brand of irony. Is this true?? do you miss when we are being ironic or sarcastic and think we are just plane rude?? Well i suppose you wouldn't know if u miss it, would you?....

Jenn said...

Um, are you talking to Justin?

I'm the one that didn't get his irony, remember?

But that's because I'm only a semi-intelligent spam bot and he's a frigging genius, an adjunct professor and what have you - there's a mismatch somewhere (and I think it's in Kansas).

Follow the yellow brick road...

kelmaree said...

just asking a general question to those in the U.S, i read somewhere that you dont get us and i noticed visiting celebs dont get our homour (not that their a representation of the general intelligence level)and i was woundering if its true - do u think we of the commonwealth are funny, or just rude??

Alia said...

Hey, Justin, I just started reading your blog (if this is invite only, I am so sorry - just let me know), and I really like it! You have a great sense of humor (although sometimes I can't tell if you are serious or joking). I have a question about this particular blog - assuming you are serious when you say you teach religious studies, what is your take on the Davinci Code? I haven't read it yet, but my Mom did and she was irrate (wrote a rather long research paper on it actually). Anyway, if its not to much trouble...

Alena