With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

More from my Autobiography, "Some Stuff that I have Done"

(Pictured: From the cover of my autobiography. So people actually buy it.)

In Volume 26 of my soon to be magisterial (but initially abridged) work I will talk about my life as a blogger. I think this will be of special interest to the scholars who will doubtless draw endless conclusions about the connections between my blog and my life.

From Volume 26.
Chapter xxiivixv: My Battle With Carpel Tunnel.
Today, with my endless awards, it is hard to believe that anyone would doubt that I could make it in the fast paced world of blogging. Yet, let's go back to August 2005.

When I told people that I wanted to be a blogger, a lot of people laughed. You see, I was born with a rare disease, known as Carpel Tunnel. Carpel Tunnel is a painful, humiliating disease which makes it difficult to type.

Even moderate amounts of typing cause my wrists to feel as if they are being ripped apart by evil spirits.

Carpel Tunnel is like having a heart attack in your wrists.

Carpel Tunnel is like a million black holes exploding in each of your fingers. Painful black holes, I mean.

Carpel Tunnel is like Ten Thousand Spoons when all you need is a fork.

Being a flawed, but ultimately loveable character, I didn't make things any easier for myself. I started on Vitamin E, which is supposed to restore the sheathing of your nerves. I didn't keep things in perspective and soon I was popping ten to fifteen E's an hour. One day I met a guy who said that he did way less E, and he always thought he was being attacked by Turtles. That's when I decided to quit.

And soon the excruciating pain of Carpel Tunnel returned. But it was a pain I could live with.

That's all I have right now for volume 26, but I am going to try and elaborate. I think this part of my story is especially inspiring. I'm always meeting people who really admire me and say they wish they could fulfill their dreams like I have fulfilled mine. They say, "Oh, I'd run a marathon, but I'm missing a toe." I'm sure a lot of you reading this, suck at something and you have some equally weak excuse that prevents you from fulfilling your dream.

What I'm trying to show you through my incredible story is that these excuses are as lame as your alleged problem. And when you buy my autobiography,even if you don't read it, you will have a source of strength and inspiration.

It will make me feel pretty good about myself knowing that I have inspired toeless marathon runners and other weirdos to get out there and pursue their dream.


Jenn said...

Uh Justin, whose picture is that? If it's yours, you're real pretty.

Talent and good looks and a motivating personality (I mean if you swing the toeless thing you must be some type of Hermes. Or maybe even Prometheus. And Epimetheus for good measure)

I think it looks a little like Liz Wurtzel but I may be wrong.

Justin said...

All this talk about Liz Wurtzel is making me think you might be a very pleasant spam bot.

All I can tell you is that the picture is not of me. It is of a girl that I knew at Harvard.

I lost touched with her. Last I had heard she got real depressed when I was kicked out(because I wasn't 'admitted'.Whatever.) Heard she was living in NY, but don't know. I'm sure she won't mind.


R2K said...

: )

WIP said...

My mom had a surgery for carpal tunnel and she's all better...
she wasn't an Vitamin E Pill popper.... not that thats bad cause it's a vitamin... but if it makes you see turtles.... well....

Justin said...

Welcome to the elite club of people who actually read the whole post. JDK

Jenn said...

Wow. Wurtzel is blond and she went to Harvard and lives in New York now. And she is the depression queen of Young America. Need I say more?

Spam bot indeed.

OK let me do the spam bot thing

Hi. Good stuff here. Please check out my site to get some ideas on the herbal substitute for Viagra (Viagra is temporary but my solution regulates your testoterone levels).


Justin said...


I knew you were a spambot.
we are so happy we do the dance of joy!


Jenn said...


Jenn said...

Haha, I just did an image search and it was Liz. Duh. I thought I recognised her.

Sometimes I am slow in catching on...but I think I'm unusually bright for a spam bot, dont you?

Justin said...

Not only are you one of the smartest spambots,you are one of the most persistant.

WIP said...

I'm curious as what the D in JDK stands for :) and the K as well

care to fill me in????

carpal tunnel sucks.<- period-> no period... ok i'm bored