With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Sustenance

The FOIA has forced me to devote a whole room on my estate to the necessary paperwork. The endlessly valuable documents in that room set me ill at ease. Fires are popping up everywhere these days. How do I protect my valuable papers? Simple. I lined the room with Aluminum Foil, rendering it completely fireproof. Though the building—nay, the world— may burn down, my room will be safe.

Unfortunately with all of the space heaters it gets really warm in there.

So, I left my specially lined room and did something I haven’t done in ages—I went to a coffee shop.

When I arrived I was told by the barista that an activity was planned. The activity was jelly bean tasting. (I am not making this up.)

I was given a jelly bean to taste

“What is it?”

“I don’t really taste anything.”

“Fool! It is the taste of Earthworms.”(I am not making this up either: The Jellybeans were part of a Harry Potter package. The flavors were not ordinary.)
“Have another.”

I guessed. “Matzah ball soup.”

"You’re a waste of jelly beans. It is the taste of the seventh beer in a six pack.”

“I don’t think I understand…”

“Try another one, you jelly bean infant.”

Me:“The sound of melancholy?”

“That was a multi-vitamin.”

And so on and so forth. I put on a good two pounds in jelly bean fat. Which was fine. It beat roasting in my aluminum foil lined room.

12 comments:

crestfallendespairacy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

discover this

Justin said...

Goodbye comment. I feel like I never even got to know you.

P.S. Technical Note. When it says removed by author it means, author of the comment, not THE author--as in mean. Those of you who complained about my censorship, back off.

Justin said...

The above should read --as in me. I got carried away and added the an. I apologize for the rare typo.

Justin said...

Interesting fact. Those readers of conceptofirony who I see face to face, frequently mention the comments before mentioning the quality of posts.Like people have favorite comments and commenters. I am starting to suspect that not many even read the actual posts. Which is fine. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a need to leave lenghy comments. I dislike the idea of being not read on my own blog.

WIP said...

i only read the comments after i read the post, by the way i would have had the same reaction to the Jelly Bean Test as you showed in your blog, a nod and a smile i suppose :)

Burning Stickman said...

This is my first time visiting your site, and I must say I like it. You have much of the same humor as myself.

I will be checking back soon to read all of your stuff.

Heidi said...

dslfkje sdf jeud jejsk


that means 'nice blog' and heidiish.

Starlet in the Making said...

What does 'the sound of melancholy' consist of exactly?

Mind Curry said...

lol..absolutely hilarious..COI has become my daily stop for humor.

i do read every word of your post..almost.

Onanite said...

Now that was funny, thanks.

Onanite

Blitz said...

I'm more than slightly intrigued... why is your room aluminum foil lined?