The truth is, my lawn is doing incredibly well.
Ever since I realized this was not the lawnmower:
Turns out I was trying to mow my lawn with a giant block of concrete attached to some metal pipes. Today, I decided this is a terrible way to mow the lawn. I also grew curious about what magical tool my parents had left me.
I called and asked my Dad what the concrete thing with metal pipes is.
"That's a lawn mower, son."
"Could I talk to Mom?"
"Mom, what is the concrete thing in my garage?."
"It is a wheel. Your great grandfather invented it."
"Wow. Like a piece of history."
"That's right. Just don't try to mow your lawn with it. Your Dad did once, and killed all the grass. The neighbors were ruthless."
