Kevin Bacontina.

Amongst my many literary achievements, I have written one half of a poem.

My Co-Poet has of late been rubbing elbows with the very man who rejected our poem.
But more of that anon.

I would introduce this as a Sestina but Shannon gets very upset when I call it that. She insists that it be called a Bacontina. But for the record, Bacontinas share all of the complicated and sophisticated characteristics of a Sestina.



Kevin Bacontina
By Shannon Simpson and to a Lesser Extent Justin Kahn.

Our friend Carol, from way back when,
was in High School in Washington State,
and being the type with
great flexibility, managed a place
on the state gymnastic team, where
she competed against Hilary Swank, when they were practically just babes.

You know Swank from stuff like “Million Dollar Baby.”
Or from when
she played in that messed up “Boys Don’t Cry” where
she gets shot in the end in some middle American State
in some backwards closed minded place.
And then at the awards she forgot to thank her husband she was with.

Regardless, Hilary Swank is still married with
Chad Lowe. And people are always gossiping ‘cuz they don’t have a baby
when it’s really not at all their place.
So, Hilary and Chad got married way back when,
In either California or New York State.
(I mean, who really cares where.)

So they get married and that’s where
Hilary Swank thru Chad Lowe became related with
Rob Lowe. Now Rob Lowe, we’d like to state,
has been acting since his brother was just a baby,
and I’m sure we can all remember when
a certain scandalous incident with a minor took place.

(But that’s irrelevant to our approaching ending place.)
So Rob Lowe was in a film called “The Spy Who Shagged Me” where
he gets to play alongside Tim Robbins when
Dr. Evil is once again trying to take over the world
with that frightful Mini-me that’s roughly the size of a baby
and does permanently remain in a mute state.

Okay, so now we’ve arrived at our connecting state;
Tim Robbins played in “Mystic River” (which is actually a place),
and maybe, baby,
you can now see where
we’ve been going with this all this time. With
our friend Carol to Hilary to Chad to Rob to Tim to now when

We can finally state that where
six stanzas of separation place Tim Robbins in “Mystic River” along with
Kevin Bacon, BABY!