With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fortune $miles On Ju$tin and He Take$ It In $tride.

La$t night, I recieved an email from MR KAFANDO JUBRIL. He informed me that

"I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY OF TRAN$FERING THE LEFT OVER FUND$ ($10.5 MILLION) OF
ONE OF MY BANK CU$TOMER WHO DIED ALONG WITH HI$ ENTIRE FAMILY IN PLANE CRA$H. YOU CAN CONFIRM THE GENUINE$$ OF THE DECEA$ED DEATH FOR MORE INFORMATION VI$IT THI$ $ITE BELLOW http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm "

To make a long $tory $hort, he i$ offering to $plit the money with me if I am willing to give him acce$$ to my bank account. Of cour$e I am going to take him up on the offer. At fir$t, I wa$ $keptical (Brillint Mind$ have that tendency...Or do they?) But than I clicked on the link that KAFANDO JUBRILl $ent me, and in fact, there actually wa$ a plane cra$h in the the la$t ten year$. That $ealed the deal for me.

$o I'd like to inform you of a couple of change$ that are going to be occuring around here.

Ju$tin I$ Wealthy Change the Fir$t. I will no longer $end out email$ begging people to comment on my blog, to create the illu$ion that I have friend$. I will now be paying people to comment on my blog, to create the illu$ion that I have friend$.

Ju$tin I$ Wealthy Change the $econd. Many of you have become dear friend$, naming your fir$t born after my blog and $o on. Other$ of you, $eem le$$ loyal. You may want to con$ider di$playing your affection for me, before MR KAFANDO JUBRIL'$ check clear$.

I would like to especially address this comment to a local knitting club, "Nirvana and the Jack Ritters."

Ju$tin I$ Wealthy Change the Third. I will continue drinking Two Buck Chuck$. However, now I will drink half and then pour the other half down the drain, without $o much a$ giving it a $econd thought.


A$ you can $ee, wealth is bringing $ome changes, but I am $till the $ame old Ju$tin.

As MR KAFANDO JUBRILl $ay$, "FOR YOUR TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE ARE LOOKING TO A BRIGHT AND PRO$PEROU$ FUTURE FROM NOW ON!"

23 comments:

Jenn said...

I'm glad you're not going to let all this wealth change you.

Pyrite.

Finding Fair Hope said...

What a break! I wish something like that would happen to me. But then, as on Seinfeld, nothing much ever happens in Fairhope, not even emails. Nothing to do but write blogs and books.

Dad said...

I am very happy for my first born and would like to remind him of his parents $acrifice$. Dad

Justin said...

Dad,
I asked mom about it a few years ago. She said I owed you $45.23.

So, I wrote a check.

You'll have to ask her where that money went.

j.

Justin said...

f f h,
How many books are you writing.

You're going to bankrupt me aren't you, even without my newfound wealth.

j

Justin said...

Jenn,
That's absolutely right. And my legal team will approach anyone who says otherwise.

j.

Miss Lippy said...

I think good luck is going around. I'm awaiting the arrival of my free ipod nano that I just won for taking an online survey!
All I had to tell them was my social security number and my mom's maiden name.

Finding Fair Hope said...

I've got one book languishing in a publisher's slush pile and other at an agent's in New York. I've tapered off on blogging because I'm beginning to think it's addictive. Have you noticed the same thing? Or is writing unpublished and unpublishable books the addiction?

Hmmm...maybe I should take to creating revenue-producing spam.

Maleah said...

How could an adjunct professor possibly need money? huh. I have learned right here on this blog that they are fabulously wealthy, have their own aircraft, live in penthouses, entertain beautiful ladies, can afford to adopt children, possess vast libraries... I think this was just a humorous writing.

P.S. Can I borrow $50. I need a pedicure.

Sassy Sundry said...

$100 per comment, payable to my Nigerian bank account.

Kurt said...

When do I get my money?

part-time buddha said...

Unlike a few of the others, I will continue to comment for free. However, I'm afraid I will have to start charging you $75.49 for each post on my blog that you do not comment upon.

(That's a 'friend' price, understand. And your comment in no way has to show that you read the post.)

Justin said...

p-t b:
I will not forget your generosity.

However, I may forget to post, and unless MR. KAFANDO JUBRIL gets money here, I may need to impose even further: could I have tab? Just for, say, a few weeks?
j-d k.

Justin said...

Kurt, bro, the money's virtually in your account. J.

Justin said...

Sassy,
Actually, according to federal regulations I have to credit one of your current credit cards. Please send the number, expiration date, address and phone number to my email. I will than retroactively credit you for all of your comments!
IT IS VERY MUCH PLEASURE TO BUSINESS WITH YOU!!
j.

Justin said...

maleah,
How it hurts me!

I decided not to buy the aircraft.

Maybe you should reread that post.

In Great Personal Pain,

j.

Justin said...

f f h,

I don't want to argut with a published author. Especially one with such a foul mouth (Did anyone else notice that with all the thugs and hoodlums running around this blog ffh is the first one to drop the f-bomb the other day?)...

Aren't unpublished books the only
type that you can write?

Because it just seems like if someone was writing a published books it would be plagiarism or an incredible coincidence?

j.

Justin said...

miss lippy,
You are so lucky! I want an ipod nano. I think it would turn me into an athlete.

What do you want for it?

Would you take a check for five million?

j.

Ki Two said...

You could just email me...instead of leaving me hanging with meebo. Although I could email you in return, but this seemed like a more appropriate medium.

I am very prolific. You have no idea. :)

p.s. this comment ha$ nothing to do with the po$t on which it appear$

Ki Two said...

come back?

Miss Lippy said...

Make it six and I'll add a Rocky soundtrack/Black Eyed Peas playlist to inspire your fitness endeavor!

Justin said...

miss lippy,
Well six dollars is a lot less, but you are making the calls.


Send me your credit card info & c, and you'll get your money as a credit.

With thanks for your conceren about my health,
j.

part-time buddha said...

Sure Justin. I'll dig a scrap of paper from my pocket and start you a tab. If I don't have any papaer, I'll tear sheets from something by Kafka.