With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

By Guest Blogger Christina

After three months of charmingly schizophrenic weather patterns (otherwise known as "autumn"), Lady Frost has finally graced Cleveland with her presence.

Winter in Cleveland amuses me for one simple reason: how can so many people (who have presumably weathered many a rugged, snow-filled season) drive as though they've never seen snow before?

When confronted with the first true snowfall of the season, a Clevelander will do one of two things. Either they will completely cease all logical mental functions and start driving 5 miles an hour, straddling two lanes ("I can't see the lines!") or they will act as though it's still 80 degrees out and sunny with clear roads. I encountered the latter on Chester Rd. the other day, a rakish young fellow with a bald-tired Corsica and a blatant disregard for prevailing weather conditions.

He wasn't so much driving as operating under a barely-controlled slide from one lane to the next,blithely skating along at speeds that would have been illegal on most freeways and possibly on some racetracks. I began to hope the next light would turn red just to see the results, which I'm sure would have been nothing short of spectacular. I've noticed that the type of behavior is directly correlative to the quality or lack thereof of the vehicle. (Regardless of season, vehicle quality also comes into play at 4-way stop signs in Shaker Heights, where the ruling is not that the first person to the stop sign gets to go first, but the person in the nicest car gets to cut everyone else off.)

I've been thinking about investing in a zamboni, or maybe one of those giant snowplow tank-trucks that belong to the city. It's not like Cleveland uses them to clear snow anyways, judging by the three inches of ice-slush sitting on Hampshire that cars have been fishtailing on for the past 2 days.


Justin said...

Ed. Notes.
1)Christina heard my plea that I barely have enough time to make snow angels before watching X-files and she was actually willing to help me out. I thank her.

2) I did cut out approx. 25,000 words and the paragraph divisions are mine. Other than that, the text is unaltered.

3) I am so publishing this on Monday morning. Around 9:00ish. If you read this on sunday night you are 3a) a loser for not having anything to do on a sunay night 3b) Delusional, b/c it isn't published yet.

Maleah said...

Thank you for helping me distill that inner nagging. I am indeed a crazy loser. I'm calling my therapist to cancel and to tell her I've got it figured out now. This was so much cheaper.

Justin said...

Well, obviously those comments weren't directed at you.

Comrade Kevin said...

Christina - Your guest post was very well written, contained valid points, and was firmly grounded in a real life modern narrative. It also contained elements of actual irony.

Also, in the future, may I suggest you name your Zamboni something like Mr. Zambonenini and instead of actual street names use 19th century German philosopher's names.

Otherwise, good guest post!

wouldn'tyouliketoknow said...

i believe there is a reason why
CHRIST is in your name.
you are indeed a savior!
that's it.
sorry if i offended anyone but not really!
keep up the good blogging work!

Justin said...

Hasn't that Jesuit School taught you any respect?

Justin said...

Comrade K:
I'm totally embarassed that Christina has left her post (Get it! Now that's good writing.)

So, I will simmply take all your complients as intended for me, and leave the advice for Christina.


goldennib said...

Christina: Good job on your guesting. I'm glad I didn't try to read it before it was posted.

Christina said...

Thank you all for the compliments. I hope this post hallmarks a new and glorious Guest Blogging phase of my life, which is so much more convenient than Actual Blogging, as I don't have to clean up afterwards and Justin ends up doing most of the work anyways.

me said...

i hate finals week.
or however you spell it.