With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Live Blogging on My Birthday!

12:30 A.M. Happy B-Day to me! A man my age should not be up at this wicked hour. I would have been asleep four hours ago, but Linz came by the penthouse to say hi.

I think she unconsciously knew it was my Birthday, out of a kind of certain excitement that we were moving closer to fulfilling the terms of our engagement. Maybe she forgot that I broke it off.

Or maybe she remembered and that's why she didn't bother to wish me a happy birthday. But I'm sure you my dear readers won't show the same coldness.

12:40 O.K. no one is commenting. Did I make weird last ditch marriage proposals to others of you?

1:05 A.M.Lindz just left, I brushed my teeth, realized that I had brushed my teeth before Lindz dropped in. Still no comments.

1:17 Still no Birthday wishes??????? Loneliness is starting to kick in, but then Captain Bookbagster reminds me that I should be patient with people and maybe some of my beloved readers are out on the town or asleep. Captain Bookbagster says that Alexia is probably awake but has better things to do.

8:20 It is going to be a good day and a good year. Sure,I think I am losing vision in my left eye. Old age, hurts. But life is good and I suspect it is going to be getting better.

8:40 Time for breakfast and my bottle opener has broken!
The one arm just broke. I guess it is like a horse. A crippled bottle opener isn't going to be good for anyone. How terrible that I should have to deal with this on my birthday.

I think, in my old age, my sense of taste has finally started to go. Just had a bowl of Lucky Charms and it didn't taste like much. I remember(vaguely) when such a smorgasborg of flavors and chemicals would have delighted my tastebuds.

10:00 While cleaning up I noticed that I poured myself a bowl of macaroni for breakfast. The good news is that my tastebuds are fine, but my eyesight is considerably worse than I had realized.

10:58 The Macaroni Incident: A Found Poem from a Gift Given to Me By Maleah
Traps lie in wait for me. My every step
might be a fall. I am a prisoner
shuffling through a time that feels like a dream,
taking no note of mornings or of sunsets.
It is night. I am alone. In verse like this,
I must create my insipid universe.
Eating Macaroni for breakfast.

(This is Borges' 'The Blind Man' with slight modification to fit my current situation and thus make the poem mine.)

Comrade K has had nearly 12 hours to wish me a happy birthday. Yet I have heard nothing from him. This is kind of shocking when you consider his fascination with my old age.

12:01 P.M. Off to the Birthday festivities. More later.

3:29 Just keeping it real. About to eat cake.

I got the KITT 4000's for my B-Day from my Sister and Brother-In-Law. And I'm already breaking them in.

The card they gave me, plays Everybody Wang Chung Tonight. And I can't stop dancing. I'm going to need another pair for Christmas.

7:30Going to respond to comments.

7:57 Had to take out garbage and do dishes. Now I will really get into the responding to comments.

8:17 Finished replying to previous comments. That took me a long time.

10:16And so my day winds down. I just finished watching Sean Welche's Bloom. There was a moment when I started the movies where I was somewhat sickened. But that was only because I realized I was eating Cooked Lucky Charm's 'n Cheese. I did catch the director's name subtly worked into the film. Such astuteness on my part suggests that my brain is as reliable as ever.

The movie follows around three ordinary people. I don't know why the director thought this was a good idea . None of the ordinary people are anything awesome like having superpowers or being adjunct instructors.

But one of the characters did say something interesting. Stephan Daedelus says, “A Men of jenius makes no mistakes, his earors become the potholes of discovery.”

That rings truer in my old age, than it ever has.

11:59In old age, one's body begins to slow down. But if you have lived well you no longer need to move fast, because you can move wisely.

What I am trying to say is that with my working up to three hours a day I might not be able to maintain my typical posting schedule for the next couple of weeks. Like, umm, in my wisdom, I'm not real optimistic about getting anything posted tomorrow. Of course some of my second and third tier readers will just be coming across this post for the first time. So I doubt this will cause much pain amongst the COI community. But as the days go on, I think that my beloved readers are going to need to band together, if for example, nothing shows up Wed. either. But soon. And know this: No matter how slowly I move, Uma Thurman won't be able to beat me.

P.S. I love belated Birthday Gifts almost as much as real Birthday Gifts!


Justin said...

Happy Birthday Justin!!

You are the best.


Justin said...

Ooops, I meant for the above to be from Captain Bookbagster.

Mind Curry said...

Happy Birthday to the funniest guy and pretty nice guy too..that i have met on blogosphere..

Long live JK

aleciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (rules) said...

happy birthday fool!
maybe i will give you some free coffee, IF YOU'RE LUCKY!
ok, off to work.

*j* said...

in honour of your BD...we bought a new car. look outside and wish yourself a happy BD!

goldennib said...

Happy Birthday, Justin. I have petitioned the mayor of my town to designate this Justin Kahn Day in your honor. He's thinking about it. I'll keep you posted.

bitingblondewit said...

Happy, happy birthday!! I hope you get everything you want. And after reading about the macaroni, I hope you want glasses. Bless your heart!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday. I don't know who you are, but you're funny and that goes a long way in my world. Except on weekends. I'm quite ornery on weekends.

audrey said...

Happy birthday Justin.

Call me.

Misha said...

Hi hi happy birthday, I was hoping you would stop in today so I could give you a FREE BIRTHDAY COFFEE and I was getting excited about it but then I remembered you usually get free coffee anyway. Thwarted. :(

P.S.: I just read Alecia's post and it says nearly the same thing as mine. Not only am I thwarted, but I am unoriginal to boot.

P.P.S.: In celebration of your birthday (really!) I went and saw the new James Bond movie. Your names both start with 'J', and you're both men! You could be the next Bond, easily. AWESOME.

Justin said...

Thanks! I love belated Coffee as much as on the birthday coffee. It gives me reason to not despair once the day is over.

P.S. You will note that a difference between your comment and alicia's is that she calls me a fool. To my mind that is a significant difference.

P.P.S. That was very thoughtful of you! I've gotten comparison's to Woody Allen, but never 007. Well, I guess I couldn't stay on top of game forever.

P.P.S. So what we are saying is that if you subtract my previous comments, one quarter of my comments are from baristas. I thought the ratio would have been higher.

Justin said...

Audrey! I fear you are but someone messing with my mind. But if in fact you are the Audrey than email me or call me. Or text me. j.

Justin said...

Garry, You know me as well as one on this earth knows me if you are as a faithful reader of my blog as your critically accurate comments suggest. I thank you for the B-Day wishes.

Justin said...

biting blonde wit,
Thanks! I want lasik surgery.But I'm afraid of being zapped with lasers. And getting zapped in the eyes seems pretty much not ideal.

Justin said...


Any word? I guess there is always next year! Or any day between now and then. j.

Justin said...



I may have to regift that experience.


Justin said...


My friend Alyssa always calls me fool. Must be a new trend.

Anyway way to steal Misha's comments!

Bye, fool-io.


Justin said...

mind curry!
Thanks for being the first person who wasn't me to wish me a happy B-day.

While I appreciate the fine sentiment, I don't know how much we should wish for long live JK. I have lived a full and rich life and I am resigned to simply carrying on for however long this mortal coil will hold me without significant replacement of parts.


A.L.E.C.I.A. said...

i'm sick of you spelling my name wrong and i didn't steal anyone's comments, punk. i will never call you fool again due to it's apparent overusage lately!

bob vila lover said...

ok i think that comment i just left sounded mean so, uhhhh...



part-time buddha said...

I guess I've nearly missed it, but happy birthday Justin! I thought it earlier but posted it later.

Maleah said...

Justin, so glad I could aid in some small way your musings on pasta. Sorry to be tardy posting actual birthDAY greetings. I was in San Antonio on a weekend getaway with friends. Remember the Alamo, Come and Take It, and all that. History, whatever. Margaritas, dining out, dancing, that's what really matters, isn't it? Well, that and your birthday. Because without it, there is no you. Happy Birthday, Justin. Now if my head will just quit pounding...

Too_Lively said...

Very happy birthday, sir!

*From a 3rd tier reader.

Comrade Kevin said...


Jenn said...

You see? This comes of not posting on Sundays (usually) and not warning readers beforehand when your birthday actually is.

Having said that, Happy Birthday Justin!

I would give you a present, a present I made all by my little self, except that I'm imaginary and you wouldn't be able to see it.

Have a nice week anyway.

We in imaginary land believe in elastic birthday celebrations which could last from all of one week to two months.

Mind Curry said...

i am a surgeon..so i can help you with the replacements..and i am pretty sure you wont need any for a long long time justin..

Justin said...


I don't understand what CIA Ale is. Thanks. J.

Justin said...

p-t b:Thanks! Better than saying it earlier without thinking about it.

j-d k

Justin said...

maleah, Thanks once again.

I know just how you feel. Thinking about the Alamo gies me a headache too.


Justin said...

2_lively, I think in time you will make it into the second tier.

Justin said...

Welcome to my blog.

Justin said...

jenn, well it is the thought that counts. And in the real world too, people like me celebrate the B-day for various lengths of time. I feel like this year could go for another two weeks.

Justin said...


Nice to meet you. Hope you like my blog. J.

Justin said...

mind curry,
Good to know, but I'm not as optimistic about my health as you. I feel like I'm already set for a new bionic leg. j.

Justin said...

Comrade K:
What do you mean you are trying to Hype up the Schnapps?

Angry Gnome said...

Happy Birthday Justin! Sorry for the lateness but Montreal is a day behind... wherever you are.

Justin said...

angry gnome,

I fear that the pleasantness of your comment, threatens to make your blogger ID a misgnomer.

I've been waiting for months to use that joke on you.

P.S. For those of my fourth and fifth tier readers that joke centers on...Nevermind.

Justin said...

Comrade K:
I don't know why you couldn't wish me a happy birthday, but it hurts real bad, like when I bit my lip and then tripped into a pit of hot coals.


Maleah said...

To be sure, it was all the cannon fire and muskets. Or maybe that guide muttered "cannon fodder and muskrats" I couldn't tell.

Taihae said...

aggh I'm late!
happy birthday, justin, and I'll see if I cant slip in a more public happy birthday as well. I am currently without country in light of my job (I'm an international spy, a femme fatale, you probly could tell by the PVC suit) but if i had one I'd make a national Justin Kahn day petition too, only for the whole country, not just a town, cause that's how i roll.

Comrade Kevin said...

Justin - I can't believe you don't remember those KITT 4000's I bought you for your birthday.

Justin said...

Comrade K,
You are too kind!

Sorry about my oversight. A good friend of mine (a bolshevik) says that he says there are signs that my.

I want a burrito. Where'd my burrito go?

Justin said...


Thank you for rolling in such a generous manner!

And great post about me! The world needs more posts like that.

With Every Manner of Thug Love,


Taihae said...

really...every manner? my goodness.

Justin said...

As soon as I saw the word muskrats, all I could think is, 'Those Texans sure know how to party.'


Maleah said...

...or maybe he said "sock rats."

Christina said...


Am terribly sorry for missing your birthday. Prefer to think of myself as fashionably late in the well-wishing. Spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how to get "respectify" and "busticate" entered into English's official lexicon, in your honor.


WebByte said...

Hey! Hip Horay! It's your birthday!
You made it to this day! Would you believe it? A year older you say?
Well small price to pay to have lived to this day.

Happy birthday. My birthday is November 14. No one remembered but I shall remember others' birthdays.

Justin said...

Christina, Well, all things considered (such as the promptiude of my responsification) I can forgive you for your belated comments. j

Justin said...

Thanks for remembering. Sorry I missed your B-day.