With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Showing Uncharacteristic Restraint, Justin Puts Away His Credit Card.

I was searching for ink jet labels at the Sam’s Club Website (with the plan of continuing to save for an ink jet printer) when I came across something that I didn’t expect to find at Sam’s Club: A Cessna Jet.

Sam’s Club—the same place that I buy 40 lbs of flour so that after adding beer and other ingredients, I lose about a dollar on every loaf of bread I make—is offering a Cessna Citation Mustang for $2,734,600

The Citation Mustang Jet package includes in addition to the Citation Mustang S/N51-

- Lifetime Advantage Plus Membership to Sam’s CLUB.

As it is an online deal only, I pulled out my credit card and started entering my information. Just as I was about to enter that 3 digit security code(523,if you care) a terrible series of thoughts occurred to me.

You will note that at $35.00 a year/ for the next fifty years, means you can go ahead and knock off $1750 from the asking price.

They have great discounts there, but it got me to thinking how can Sam’s Club afford to practically give away Cessna Jet’s at just $2,732,850?

They can’t. I spent the weekend working the numbers and no one could afford to profit from such a package for under $2,732,855.50.

And that is when I had my Michael Moore epiphany as to what is actually happening here: Why would they pair together a plane and a LIFEtime membership?

Some Corporate Devil has determined that they would make a KILLING if only they could sell lifetime memberships and then execute anyway who obtained one. Of course they can't go around killing people directly, so they have to find an indirect means. The Cessna’s must be defective. I am confident that they have developed this whole ploy of selling defective jets paired with LIFETIME memberships, resulting in selling lifetime membership that are only worth actually say $35.00 rather than the est. $1750.

Ingenious, yes and if I were in their position I would pull the same scam. But you have to wonder if Human Life isn’t worth more than $1725.

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8 comments:

Pepper Medley said...

Is the pilot's license included? Or do you just flash your Sam's membership card at the hanger?

Comrade Kevin said...

Curse you and that oversized Medulla, Justin! Yes, this was an attempted plot by commies with credit cards to kill off every wealthy executive in the country. It was our plan that executives would of course seek ways to use their 'executive' cards to impress other executives which would in turn cause a Cessna buying frenzy among the worlds elite. Driving them forever into poverty.

Destroyed by their own greed! And yes, we would have lost money on every sale, but made it up in VOLUME! Buwahaha. And we would have got away with it too if it wasn't for you and Scooby Doo.

goldennib said...

Oh, no, is Dr. Evil loose again? Call Austion Powers.

luptonian said...

That's a beautiful picture, though looks nothing like any of the cessnas i've flown in.

Perhaps you would be satisfied with that ink jet printer you've been saving for, and some video games? Like that you could plaster a room in your home with that very picture on your post, and play flight simulation games, all without risking your life, or that of your credit card.

QuillDancer said...

As to wondering if human life is worth more than $1725. -- before I can answer I have to ask, is this hypothetical or are we talking about you?

Kami said...

Interesting...

Michael Tompkins said...

Sure, it seems like a great idea. But you inevitably get home and are like "damn, what the hell am I going to do with all these jets."

DevilBlueDress said...

Of course, unless say you were in league with the Devil. Or some other equally nefarious soul.