With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Maybe It Is The Not Receiving a Single Match in a Month From Eharmony That Has Driven Me to Plagiarize from Kafka.


Before True Love stands a doorkeeper. To this doorkeeper there comes a Blogger and asks for admittance to True Love. But Neil Clark Warren (for that is the doorkeeper’s name) says that he cannot grant admittance to True Love at the moment. The blogger thinks it over and then ask if he will be allowed in later. “It is possible, since thousands of members join each day looking for happiness,” says Neil Clark Warren “but not at the moment.”

Since the gate stands open, as usual, and the doorkeeper steps to one side, the blogger stoops to peer though the gateway into the interior. Observing that, Neil Clark Warren laughs and says, “If you are so drawn to it, just try to go in despite my veto. But make note: I am most powerful. And I am only the least of the doorkeepers."

The studly blogger was disheartened. These are difficulties the blogger had not expected. True Lasting Love, he thinks should surely be accessible to all times and to everyone.

The blogger, whose penthouse was furnished with many valuable things, began offering them to Neil Clark Warren. Dr. Warren says, “$30,000 for a one week trial, $8,000 for a month trial or just $666.666* for the most popular three month trial.”

Neil Clark Warren takes the young blogger's money but always with the remark, “I am only taking it to keep you from thinking you have omitted anything. Also, don’t forget to update your settings so that you can get the one month renewal at just $45.00. Because I saw how things with Cheryl went.”

The young blogger soon forgets the other door keepers and this first one seems to him the sole obstacle preventing access to True Love.

The young blogger grows old waiting for True Love. Before he dies, all his experiences in these long years gather themselves in his head to one point, a question he has not yet asked Neil Clark Warren.

“Everyone wants True Love, so how is it that no one else has ever begged for admittance?”

The doorkeeper recognizes that the blogger has reached his end, and, to let his failing senses catch the words the doorkeeper roars in his ear: “No one else could ever be admitted here, since eharmony was made only for you. I am now going to close it.”


* Justin’s Note. The symbolizing is really astonishing here.

22 comments:

Mmmm, Scallops said...

Wow, it's 9pm and you have Zero comments. That is truly amazing Justin. Sorry I had to go and ruin your streak!

QuillDancer said...

Justin -- you truly are date challenged. This is TUESDAY! For any relationship to work -- expecially true love -- I believe you need to share the same time continuium.

Stiletto Tongue said...

Cheer up JK.

You may have to plagiarize from Kafka for consolation, but at least you don't look like Kafka!

Sweet Guenivere said...

Yeah. I see how it is. You changed the date to say Wednesday so we wouldn't think you're a liar.

We know the truth, though.

Jenn said...

Why don't you stop with the heavy symbolism and simply ask out one of the commenters who share your zipcode? Or within driving distance?

Easier to get a date that way than depending on e-Harmony by the sounds of it.

QuillDancer said...

eHarmony worked for someone I know. He's quite happily married -- unfortunately, the "someone" was supposedly my "someone" and he is not married to me. However, he did send me a lovely Dear Jane letter a week before he mailed out any of the others to "give me time to adjust."

QuillDancer said...

Ack -- that should read "invitation" not "others" but to tell you the truth -- who knows?

QuillDancer said...

Justin, as to plagiarizing Kafka --in light of my previous postings I am certain your moral decay is a direct result of your association with eHarmony. Either that or eHarmony attracts those who are morally already corrupt ....

Comrade Kevin said...

On the bright side, at least you didn't turn into a cockroach. Life could get a lot worse!

My most recent ex-girlfriend did Eharmony after breaking up with me. I can say with only a minimal required amount of smugness that it didn't work out for her either.

As far as I can tell, your best shot would be to become a paid actor and get a gig as one member of the happy couples on the Eharmony commercials!

bitingblondewit said...

I have a friend who met her husband on some site like that...but Spinster J met the beau on the same site, so it's 50/50 at best.
You're a good catch! Sooner or later someone will reel you in.

Justin said...

Oh, Stiletto. The kids used to torment me saying are you the descendant of a Rat or of Franz Kafka (Had some very well read elementary school classmates.)
But thanks for your opinion just the same.

j.

Justin said...

Wow, Jenn. What are we in the 17th century? I'm pretty sure dating within a zip code is passe and can lead to various genetic problems down the road. J.

Justin said...

Comrade K,
True, but the authorities have missplaced my papers so I am unable to prove to anyone that I am not in fact a cockroach. Sigh.
K.

Justin said...

bitingblondewit,

It is somewhat disheartening to know that I chose a site that members who include 'spinster' in there name. J.

Real Blaux said...

Why did you choose e-Harmony? Go over to match-dot-com where you can roll in ecstasy at Dr. Phil’s feet.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

I'm from Canada. What is eHarmony?
Actually, I lied, I am from my mother really.
And what does Kraft have to do with anything here?

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

"...Everyone wants True Love...."

Humph! I settle for a bit of false love at this point. Besides I am not sure I fancy that Barrymore woman.

Jenn said...

I was thinking of convenience is all. Since you wanted a date, like today.

Anonymous said...

Being a teacher, why don't you just date one of your students?

Julie said...

Looking for a freshly divorced, insecure 31 year old with a baby, a dog and a hangover? Yes? Well then I am your girl. ;)

Oh did I mention I am not that bright and can't cook? Bah, who needs eHarmony?

Justin said...

Hey Julie,What kind of dog?
Justin

Julie said...

A little peek-a-poo mutt. She is quite annoying, you would love her. Wink Wink.