With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

And The Winners Are...

The Best Under 16 Word Essay.I'm awarding the Nobel Prize to Quilly for her exceptional and prolific contributions to the field of literature by promoting my website. While she works things out with Stockholm, I have awarded her the second place prize of $5.00.

Honorable Mentions


The Best Link to COI which says something really terrible about the website**. **I will not give out gift certificates for such childish behavior. Instead, you owe me a five dollar gift certificate.

Goldennib had some really outstanding entries.

While her Thirty+ entries were all fantastic, the sad truth is that 1)She admitted on my blog that she doesn't read my posts 2) Behind my back she said the following, "Mr. Fab: Justin is having a PR contest with lousy prizes."

I had big plans for her. I was going to award her thousands of dollars in prizes ($5.00 for each category she won in) and I was going to promote her serialized novel.

Obviously, trying to balance out the money owed to her with the deep psychic trauma she has inflicted on me is going to take some extensive reflection. For that reason I am delaying judgement on the case of Goldennib.

1st Place Lipogram & Rather Surprisingly 1st place from a Non-Existent Country

(Pictured: A Rare Page From the Winning Blog.)

The Big Shocker This Year.

Probably the biggest surprise this year was that I didn't win. This is surprising because I have complete and total control over the contest. The reasons why this may be are complex but suffice it to say I was not happy and hurt and confused and disappointed and shocked and dismayed and bummed and taken-off-guard and actually got some what teary eyed at one point and even now do not feel ready to talk about just how hard it was for me to not win in any category.

In order to deal with these complex but honest emotions I decided to buy some books on amazon. About a hundred dollar's worth.

That made me feel better but just to make sure that I wouldn't quickly slip back into despondency I bought an album off of itunes (Andrew Bird & The Mysterious Production of Eggs.) Music and books are a good start on the good life, but what do they matter when your belly is empty?

I could tell that I was recovering and well on my way to total recovery but just to make sure I went out and got two boxes of Chocolate Covered Bananas. I felt like a real health nut after having two of those and washing it down with a V with Juice (V-8, Vodka and Worcestershire Sauce.)

Sure, I came to understand, I may not have won in any particular category but aren't we all really winners? Or maybe not all of us, but those who didn't make fun of my contest, and of course those who entered my contest, and of course me, even though I didn't enter and part of me was kind of critical of the whole thing.


QuillDancer said...

All I have to say is:

Kahn's, Concept of Irony, contest causes considerable commotion.
The calculatingly clever contest concludes.
Click COI to congradulate Quilly.

QuillDancer said...

P.S. Please console Kahn.

Comrade Kevin said...

Late breaking news from France is that Quilldancer's 'B' test came back positive for high levels of estrogen. The creative writing community world-wide is shocked by this news. No response yet from the Quilldancer team...

goldennib said...

Justin: I am heartbroken that you are sad. I thought you should have won first prize in all categories.

I also want to say that I never said anything bad about you or COI. That was my evil twin. Can I redeem myself for being related to such a bad person?

Quilly: Congratulations on a well deserved win.

Justin said...

Comrade: You're joking right?J.

Justin said...

goldennib:Thanks for the consolation. I didn't know that it was your evil twin and will be taken into consideration! That explains a lot--you should have mentioned it earlier. J.

QuillDancer said...

CK -- the outcome of my "B" test came as a surprise to no one -- except perhaps you and my father. He was awaiting a Charles and got stuck with a Charlene.

Justin -- you were the winner, you know. Our endeavors had to have raised your google rating a notch.

lee said...

It's just such an honor to be mentioned! *sob* Thanks to my mom and of course, my gods. I could never have done it without them. *sniffle*

goldennib said...

Justin: I just escaped from the locked room she had me in. The police are after her now. If you ever see something with my name on it that is not nice then it is her, not me. She's evil.

Quilly: What's a "B" test?

Lee: Did you kiss your first and second fingers, pound your fist over your heart twice and give the peace sign?

lee said...

I also said very coolly indeed, "Word out." before me and my peeps left the stage.

Jenn said...

Justin, I am heartbroken. So heartbroken that I am going to console myself with a pot of ambrosia.

Kiyotoe said...

I wish I had stumbled upon this page sooner. I would have loved to been considered amongst the "greats".

And maybe won $5.00 for lunch. Just a sandwich, not a combo meal.

kelmaree said...

I would just like to humbly accept the honour bestowed upon me - i am truly touched :-P hehe.
But thanks; im sorry u couldn’t win Justin- but not v sorry because, well, i did.
Also what’s that picture from???

Orhan Kahn said...

I lol'd.

goldennib said...

Whenever someone says peeps, I think of the marshmallows, which I love. Now, that's cool.

QuillDancer said...

Has anyone ever eaten a fresh Peep? Is there any such thing as a fresh Peep? How can you eat them Nessa? To me they take like sugar coated food color with a stale sponge texture.

We have finally fopund something to diagree on.

lee said...

We seem to be on quite a tangent, but since we are talking about peeps, this is an unusually informative website about them.

Justin, I don't know you so I apologize for using your comment page as a personal message board. :)

goldennib said...

Lee: That's some of the best science I've encountered in many years. I wouldn't mind my tax dollars going towards more of that kind of research.