With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The View From my Penthouse

"The sole cause of man's unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his {Penthouse}."
Blaise Pascal

It is rare that I would disagree with Pascal, but my recent move has led me to believe that ol' Blaise was a bit off on that one. I am mostly happy with my new Penthouse. I haven't made it to all of the rooms yet, but I hope to do so by the end of the week. If not then, certainly by the end of the month.

The Penthouse does its duty well. It keeps me warm and has enough space to keep the noise of the bowling alley isolated from the serenity of my study. Plus it draws the Ladies in, like the walls are made out of Axe Deodorant.

But I am unhappy. Not for an inability to stay in my penthouse. But because of what happens when I refuse to leave. It would seem that the place is haunted.

As far as I can tell my Ghost has some kind of terrible GI issue. Practically, we are talking about large amounts of ghost flatulence. And I think he is starting to counteract the power of the penthouse to draw the ladies in. In fact, I believe that his problem is starting to overpower even my boyish charm and actually repel the ladies.

I would gladly share this place. But I want the little bugger to understand that the silent ones are often the deadliest and given that he is immaterial, it would be much appreciated if he would step outside for that kind of deed.

It pains me to say this but if Pascal is half the man he claims to be, one would think after reading this post he would revise the saying to, "The sole cause of man's unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his unhaunted Penthouse, while simply enjoying the beauty of his sharks in his shark tank and not running around the world trying to find the things that can only be found in his own Pool Room or Bowling Alley Room or Robot Building Room or The Room With All the Pillows."

21 comments:

Jenn said...

Sorry you're feeling unhappy. There's nothing like a little ghostly flatulence to get you down.

But maybe he's (I assume it's a he because I am sexist) doing you a favour. Maybe you need to get out more.

Justin said...

jenn:
That sounds like an invitation to Micronesia, if I ever heard one. But alas, with Pascal's modified quote as my guide I am going to wait here until I am once again happy.

With all of this ghostly tooting happening we can not forget Horace: You can change your skies but not your soul.

Justin

Jenn said...

Sure. Go to Micronesia. I hear it's a lovely place. I don't know why I would "invite" you there, seeing as I don't live there, but who knows, you could bump into the love of your life over there, who will give you lovely massages while you blog and make you numerous cups of tea.

(And then the ghostly flatulence wouldn't matter so much)

part-time buddha said...

That's funny. When I was a kid I felt haunted by a flatulent ghost as well, but eventually the strange connection between my dad's consumption of beans and cabbage and the nights of the ghost's appearance elucidated the truth in my young mind.

Justin said...

p-t buddha:
I love beans and cabbage. Oh wait.

Do you think my ghost is eating the leftovers?

j-k.

part-time buddha said...

um...sure.

Pamela Hollosnap said...

I too thought a ghost with lower bowel "issues" had come to haunt my abode, only to discover it was actually the man I live with. He's got serious problems that one, and as such, I do as well.

Boo Hoo.

chumly said...

I am ignorant of PASCAL, being the serf that I am. If his name lasts for 1,000 or so years like Dante or Michangelo I may take notice, but I'll be dead myself then and probably my be stinking up a future bloggers penthouse myself. Try "TAPS" they deal with Ghosts.

chumly said...

TAPS is on one of the Cable Channels. They investigate hauntings, and yes smells are linked to some paranormal hauntings.

Justin said...

chumly:
Oh, I see. I googled it and came up with The Atlantic Paranormal Society.

Now I know, something I have already suspected: Cable is a better research tool than the internet.

count said...

It's too bad Maalox goes through some people.

Fuck You Google said...

Sweet blog, bro!

I'm glad I found it.

The "D" Enigma said...

And I stumbled upon your blog. I love William Safire's column so after reading your profile decided to read your last post. OFF to thinkexist to scour the famous quotations of Blaise Pascal and he did indeed say what you noted ending it with room. I look forward to reading more....and I will be verifying!

D

fried_blue said...

Are all of the rooms in your haunted penthouse immortalized in van Gogh paintings? If so, how does the great artist interpret the "Robot Building Room" in his post-impressionistic style?

Justin said...

Pamela:

I feel like I know you and yours really well now.

Justin

Justin said...

Count:
It makes you wonder, what non physical orifice is releasing the toots in the first place.

Justin

Justin said...

chaptechie: Thanks.

Justin said...

The "D" Enigma:
The reason I am afraid of you is that I see in your profile '7 Types of Ambiguity' as a favorite book. The one by Empson or the novel? If its by empson, than I am very, very afraid of you.
j.

Justin said...

Fried-Blue
The first thing one notices about Van Gogh’s Robot Building Room at Midday is the enormous amount of silver in the painting. This is particularly strange because in the real Robot Building Room all the metals are painted a bluish-green, to give it that Van Gogh feel. Ever the artist, Vincent so right through that and when to the essence of the room.
The next thing one notices is that each of the large army of Robots displayed are bearded. And a recent conference on “Van Gogh and Robots” the consensus was that Van Gogh is rather uncharacteristically commenting on the popularity of facial hair amongst robots. (Excerpted from the Getty Museum's Catalog for "The Unknown Vincent: A Look at the Paintings of Justin's Home))

The "D" Enigma said...

Justin

I never considered fear an option. Interesting.

D

fried_blue said...

As van Gogh's Pool Room apparently corresponds to June, might I assume that the rooms in your penthouse illustrate the other months? The Robot Building Room at Midday you have so kindly described for me seems to evoke the feeling of November. I see Shark Tank as being more of an August, and the Room With All The Pillows as, perhaps, May. I can only hope they sell such a calendar at Half Priced Books, so that I may glimpse the majesty of your abode.