With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Man Does Not Live On Bread Alone: Part II of a II Part Series

{This is the conclusion of a series which will start tomorrow. This is done so that once the first part is posted you will be be able to easily read the two part series by scrolling down. Thanks to Raver the Turtle (who modestly attributes this idea to a movie he cals'Memento'), for this suggestion.}

Not that I need attention. But breadmaking shoved a knife into my soul, leaving me hurt and alone. Despite the fact that my bread maker is called a BREAD MAKER, I had to do most of the work. Being new to the game, I didn't just get a loaf of bread, first try.

Loaf #1 was flawed due to my using the wrong yeast and probably the wrong setting. Consequently, loaf #1 was hideously deformed and not particularly bright. Raver the Turtle beat him in 2 out of 3 games of chess.

Loaf #2 was created per the directions. However, I think the recipe required some adjustments, based on my particularl bread maker/altitude/climate. The loaf was perfectly shaped, but born without a soul. Oh, it was beautiful, but I knew it had to be destroyed.

Loaf #3 was the love child of a Muscular Gingerbread Man and the Gorgeous Flour Fairy. It was bread like you could never buy in a store. At least on earth.

The result of my experiment made me think about the whole Man vs. Bread Maker Problem. On the one hand, I have been given a potent technology. On the other hand,any Bread Maker requires use by humans and so can not be fail safe. This problem might even apply to other technologies.

For example, if you were to give me a muffin maker, I would not simply make muffins. Perhaps a muffin might get made, but before that I would end up with a number of rough drafts that are a mess of colors and shapes that look like a Picasso painting. And I don't mean that in a good way.

And yet, if you could taste Loaf #3, which you can't b/c it's mine, you would agree that it is worth populating the world with deformed and soulless loaves for just one taste of perfection.



anne said...

First, I must apologize. I jumped in and read Part II without waiting for Part I. I am pushy like that.

And now...
"On the other hand,any Bread Maker requires use by humans..."

I have a bit of a theory about Bread Makers. We just think they need us. The fact of the matter is, while the human race erroneously continues to view it as a simple bit of technology, the Bread Maker's intelligence grows exponentially with each use. Those soulless and dull trial loaves are the minions of the Bread Maker and the army that will be used to take over the world. Don't be fooled by their slow wit - they are foot soldiers. When there army is ready...

This is why you will never see a Bread Maker in my house. A loaf is much less of a threat when presclied in to sandwich bookends and tighly sealed in plastic.

Ok, that and the fact that I doubt I would ever achieve that crusty bit of heaven that is the perfect loaf.

Oh, and counter space. Where the heck would I ever put the thing?

Just another Blogger said...

ok... now im not as pushy as anne( the person above)
So im still waiting for the Part I of the two part series...


Justin said...

Foot Soldiers?

I absolutely appreciate your contribution,but I think the consensus of the intellectual community agrees that while your theory is accepted by a number of important thinkers (Chomsky, Hawking et al) it is rather out there. B/c the purpouse of this blog is to be an open and fun place, I don't think it will be helpful to divide the readership over questions, about which there is genuine disagreement by the very best thinkers amongst us.

If, however, I decide to write an inspirational book, I think I will call it(in your words), "A Crusty Bit of Heaven."


Justin said...

I appreciate your patience.



stephan said...

It has occured to me that your "Australian" readership is actually reading today's blogs tomorrow. (Even more proof that the place cannot exist if you ask me.)

marco said...

...this means they already know how Part 1 turns out?

part-time buddha said...

untold step number one: keep the yeast in the fridge.

untold step number two: always, always, have the yeast ON TOP of all the other stuff.

untold step number three: offer a bowl of cereal (anything without 'marshmellows' will do) to the break making gods.

anne said...

Hi again.

Ok, regarding the foot soldiers...I think the experimental loaves are more ventral foot soldiers. You'll have to pardon my rather abrupt explanation of the theory - it was early in the morning and sans coffee.

I would also try to use that reason to ask you to overlook my creative spelling and grammar tendencies but that would just be a ruse.

By the way, I have to tell you that your blog is one of the best prizes I've come across while playing Next Blog Roulette. Lucky me!