With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

How I Cheated Death Continued

So, I know I kind of left you hanging yesterday. Am I alive and kicking or dead and decomposing?

I suppose the answer is the same as pre-eye incident, which is: Kind of Hard to Tell.

But still, here's the point: Monday was so intense emotionally because I've grown really, very attached to my right eye. And I knew that if there was in fact a problem, I would be in a lot of trouble.

I mean, haven't you seen the standard clinically opthalmic procedure made famous by the scene towards the end of Minority Report? Haveing eye-procedures is a terrifying proposition at best. That minority report scene is kind of how I imagined my day would end.

As it turned out, it was much worse.

My regular doctor couldn't take me. The doctor that did take me seemed to learn bedside manners from House. I'm sure she was a decent enough human being, but she had that real iconoclastic thing going on:

Upon walking in: That would be the right eye, huh?
(get it? because my right eye, by afternoon was swollen to golf ball size)

She too, like Dr. House, had the ruffled hair and five O’clock shadow.

But aside from her urbane wit, and rugged good looks, she also made a guess, as to what is wrong with my eye. I've been following her orders and my eye seems to be taking the shape of a definitely smaller golf ball.

Which proves that what doesn't kill me just makes my face swell up in to weird proportions, which kind of undercuts my confidence,and while that might not be good in terms of my up and coming speed dating,makes me stronger.

Stronger, stronger and stronger I grow until I am ready to fake my own death or display my own skillz as a wrestler.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Please forward this message to The Concept of Irony Promotions Department:

Dear The Concept of Irony Promotions Department,

I had an idea for a promotional "gag" to increase the popularity of your blog. Why don't you hold a contest for people to guess what's wrong with Justin's eye? Each day Justin can give another symptom or reflection related to his eye socket and people can guess what's wrong with him (I can also see this expanding to others of Justin's multiple physical and mental maladies). I'm not sure what Justin could offer to the person who guesses correclty (a date?; a guest spot on his blog?), but I suppose that's what you were hired for: your brilliance in promotions.

Best Regards,