With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Monday, November 28, 2005

A Rare Glimpse Behind Justin’s Face (& Between His Ears)

Dear readers, since we have been apart I realized I was taking the end of my eharmony account harder than I thought.

I used to have a yahoo account. I let lots of things come between us and soon that was over. I admit it was my fault.

Another case: I opened an account on a gaming site, to play chess, so I could get beat by 9 year olds at chess. But soon, I let my membership expire. It was hard, but I survived.

But it really is different with eharmony.

I can see my heartache isn’t earning your sympathy. Well how about this tasty tale of heartbreak.

Saturday Night, I got home and found out the latest rejection letter in my inbox. It claimed my submission was more humorous than the tone the journal tries to set("Your Sophoclean drama is marred by the fart jokes".) It was hard because it took two months, and a guy gets to having his hopes up.

It hurt real bad like getting punched in the face by Herman Melville.

To grapple with the implications, I turned to writing in my journal, to write freely and not worry about developing any pieces for submission. Ordinarily I am very secretive about my journal, but I’ve learned to trust you, so I’ll show you an excerpt. That dark, eharmoniless night, I wrote in my journal that,

"Once, again I feel my humor overshadows my piercing intellect."

Of course, I wrote more in my journal, but I don’t trust you that much.

As I was doing this therapeutic journalizing, in order to calm myself, I decided to put on the crunkiest headphones, my Etymotic 6i, in and turn up the Hillary Duff.

Which is when I realized that I could not find my Etymotic 6I, retail value $150.00. So I began emptying my bag, tearing apart my car, searching everywhere.


So, I call Arabica and Kate looks everywhere for them. She could not find them.

After much searching, the E-6i turned up in my driveway.

But in a way it was kind of good that I lost them. It momentarily distracted me from the pain of getting another rejection letter.

And it made me realize there might be a reason why my sense of humor overshadows my piercing intellect.

While I was unable to determine that reason, that moment inspired me to come up with a new fart joke.


Anonymous said...


Please forward this comment to the Concept of Irony Complaint Department:
It is past noon and there is no new entry to read. My lunchtime is now ruined in that I cannot torture my coworkers with muffled laughter and an "Oh, nothing" when they ask me what I am laughing about.

Anonymous said...

I agree, even though I am not usually up to date on your posts, today I would have been but because of you I will once again fall behind, this is now a very long run-on sentence........g'bye.

Anonymous said...

I was very disappointed as well. the Concept of Irony may have to expand their Complaint Department to handle the volume.

Justin said...

Lucky for you guys the conceptofirony's complaint department is not only the largest, but the most intelligent being run by a brain dead monkey.

I'll buy anonymous (Andrew) Lunch;
anonymous (Kate) Coffee; and I'm guessing anonymous (margot?, maybe my sister).

Sorry to the later two anony's for the lesser compensation. But I felt your work was somewhat derivative of anony's work.

But thank you to each of you for your endless support.

silent T said...


I am never anonymous! And I am not speaking to anyway!

justin said...

dear silentt:

I believe you meant, "And I am not speaking to YOU anyway".

By leaving out "you", you reduce the clarity of the comment, somewhat.

Just the same I thank you for it.

justin said...

it, being the comment. Not your banning of me.

Anonymous said...

You are correct on your second anonymous guess and I am hurt that I will not receive any compensation. It's a good thing Christmas isn't coming up soon because treatment like that will not go unrecognized!!!!