This is Our Last Goodbye.

I wanted to give you, dear readers, a chance to beg me for a part of my library before I begin donating it to the library.

Has my library ever done anything wrong? No, not once. And yet I am cruelly tearing it apart, limb by limb. Such is life in the modern world, where an honest man can't live peacefully in his bungalow with his collection of forty thousand books.

It wasn't easy but I have decided that I am giving away Rod McKuen's New Ballads. Since January 01, when I began the great library clean up project, I have wrestled with the idea of getting rid of this gem.

I finally decided to part with it, because
1) In the last 35 years since the book was published McKuen must have published more ballads, rendering this title false, and I will not allow my home to become a den of books with lying titles.

2) I don't know who Rod McKuen is.

3) He has the same hair cut as Leo, which is awkward when the three of us go out.

One down, 39,999 to go. Begin begging:

Now.

Rated U for Unbelievable:

With the return of Kelmaree, making it clear that women all over the world are waiting for my next post, why has there been such a delay?

Before I answer, parents shield your children's eyes; faint of heart, call the ambulances, now.

My dearest children, I who live in a state of monkish simplicity have undergone one of the few catastrophes that can prevent the most determined of men from writing.

Heart break?

Illness?

No, no. These things are child's play for the real writer. The just become so much more fodder for the writer.

My chair broke. After eight years of faithful service, Larry's plastic spine broke in twain. Or in terry. Whichever one, is the fancy word for two.

But the point, is I had no where to rest my weary butt.

And so now you know. I will tell more, when my feet aren't just absolutely murdering me.

Chateau D'uh Justin.

The hours of working in my yard are finally paying off. My vineyards are blossoming.

My sophisticated, yet hardly arrogant readers, are no doubt aware of this fact: the finest wines in France are organized according to various appellations.

An appellation is a geographical region monitored by a very strict set of rules to guarantee the highest quality. The rule books often run to hundreds of pages. Aside from keeping quality up the appellation system is frequently behind the extraordinarily high prices of wine.

This method has not been successfully duplicated in the United States.

Until now.


I have started the Cleveland Heights' United Quadrants Appellation. It is going to be much better than Bordeaux and all those other soon to be second raters.

Right now, my appellation has just two rules:

1) You have to win a spiderman from a Grab-a-Prize machine and display it in your vineyard.

2) You have to promise to be my best friend forever (bff).

Those who join me will certainly be clinking glasses, to our extremely marked up success, in the near future.