First there was Bookie and then Earl (My Television)and now K.I.T.T.. This is the sort of unbearable pain that can't be translated into art. If my shoes had been killed by a secret society of the Church then I could have come up with a first rate novel. But there is nothing unusual or exotic in what happened here. 
Why do all of the things I love fall apart after I stab them?Why?
Why?
Why?
23 comments:
I got up so early to post and now no one is even commenting.
I hope it isn't as a protest to my accidentally forgetting to respond to goldennib and Comrade K. It was an accident. I mean, I do work sometimes up to 2 hours a day. So that doesn't always allow me time to respond.
Anyway, did anyone catch the woody allen reference in last episode of house?
Bonus points to the first person to name it. j.
Justin, I am so sorry that I didn't realize how difficult and fraught with pain your life really is. I had no idea you actually had to work. And now your sneaker dies just because you kill it. Your misery is endless.
Goldennib,
Allow me to respond to your comment by acknowleding it and saying that yes, misery is my middle name (In honor of my Great Uncle Miserable) and that my incredible celerity in commenting on your comment is evidence that not only is my life filled with misery but a magnaminous love and forgiveness for those who are quick to judge me.
With Promptness and Forgiveness,
j.
Well, as someone said in a novel once, I never!
It was my brilliant novel beginning, "Don't call me Ishmael," which rated NO response from the blogster and sent me into such a depression and rage that I went to the closet and stabbed all my shoes. I was sure you and your readers were all working your way through Moby Dick and maybe a few even had moby dicks whatever that means and would be impressed with the first line I suggested for your novel. But no. I was boring boring boring once again.
Now what do I do with all these dead shoes?
Why do all of the things I love fall apart after I stab them?
On the bright side, I think you found that first line you've been looking for.
why did you wake up at the crack of dawn to post about your dang shoe? WE HAVE THE SAME BOOKBAG! muahahaha.
Finding Fair Hope,
I'm afraid that my 'Sometimes I Work' disclaimer applies to your comment to.
Anyway, I have read Moby Dick twice and I don't remember that line anywhere. I'm going to read it a third time, but I will start at the end, since what you are looking for is generally in the last place you look.
J.
Comrade K,
But then what will I do for a book title?
j.
anonymous, Why did you wake up at the crack of dawn to read about my dang shoe?
j.
i didn't. i had to go to "carribou" (yes i know it is spelled wrong) and serve up steaming hot coffee to old men who smell bad but are nice so i still like them.
It's funny - I had a similar experience when I noticed that all my friends leave me when I bite them. But I wouldn't have had to bite them if they would just stop dodging the whip...
Those shoes needed it, Justin. Look at them. You just snapped for good reason. Sure, they were comfortable once, but something in your heart said, "Mercy." God bless you. They may have had a sole, but they were not really living anymore.
Maelah has just brought up an important point. Is it murder when you euthanize?...and for your title...
The Day I Euthanized My Footwear: Trials and Tribulations of Justin Kahn, that quiet voice of reason in a world gone insane.
Ah, you port in the storm, you serene heart of chaos, you Wallace-lover, you!
jenn,
Funny you should mention Wallace. I was just thinking about stealing an idea from him. More on that soon.
Great start with the title....umm what else will my book consist of?
j.
maleah,
It was totally like the end of Million Dollar Baby.
Only I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.
j.
anonymous, I'm not so old. Or smelly. j.
taihae, do you know what happened to the deleted comment?
j.
is that a trick question?
Isn't it kinda obvious? Your voice of reason of course. In a world gone insane. A world where nobody understands how you have to euthanize footwear from time to time. They say, as dead as leather. You say, while there is skin, there is life. They say, it's a shoe, for crying out loud, you say, for shame, for shame and you cover KITT's ears.
When we do that in creating literature, we call it borrowing, not stealing. We (yes, the Royal We, no less) throw out our arms and expostulate on how everything feeds into everything. We talk about the circle of words. We say, there is Plato in Mills and Boons if you look close enough.
Nuff said.
I'm so sorry that the laws of physics didn't bend for you. Of all people in the world, they should bend for you.
You need to start purchasing furniture, clothing, everything made only of Nerf and Play Doh. They bend and meld quite nicely. I hear that stuff can take quite a stabbing, too.
BTW, if you stop by my blog to say hello I will blush with pleasure and be happy all day.
he did it to me once and i nearly pissed myself. Thing is, he only did it cause i set him up to make a joke at my expense. lesson being, set yourself up to look really stupid and he will come.
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