With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Raise The Terror Alert to Uh-Oh!

(Just to give you a sense of how real this whole thing was I have taken a picture where the incident occurred. Had a camera been there during the incident it would have illustrated all the elements I am about to mention in such horrifying detail. )

I don't know about you but banned books week was a real let down for me. I was all worked up about it, but it kind of felt like just another week to me. So I went to the library Saturday morning, not to ban a book, but to find a movie.

After much deliberation and complaining to the library staff I finally found a movie that I could take home and watch with Wilbard (I named my shapeshifting rat after collating some of the names that Biting Blonde gave to the movie about a boy and his rat.)

So I checked E.T. out, and was looking forward to a relaxing evening, when I was nearly killed walking home. As I was crossing the street a series of unfortunate events occurred:

1) A driver deciding to look at parts of the road which didn’t include me or the stop sign nearly hits me and by nearly I mean he gets sufficiently close to me that had I not lifted my left foot he would have run it over.
2) A girl screams.
3) I am momentarily confused, not scared at all, but just confused. For maybe the first time in my life.

At first I thought the driver had hit her but then it ocurred to me that she was screaming because I had almost been hit by a car, which is rarely an ideal state of affairs.

She said to me, at least you are alright. I thought about seeing if she wanted to watch E.T. with me, but I quickly realized I could not be with a girl so quick to overreact to something as minor as my death (the universe is a big place.)

Once I got home, I told Wilbard my whole story, before I realized I was talking to a rolled up sock.


; ; ; .


Finding Fair Hope said...

So? What did the sock say?

part-time buddha said...

"but I quickly realized I could not be with a girl so quick to overreact to something as minor as my death (the universe is a big place.)"

Best line you've ever written on your blog.

I think there might be some maniac out there trying to run down bloggers. Two weeks ago I was nearly run down, twice, in a fashion similar to yours. The only difference was that I didn't have a copy of E.T., there was no screaming girl, the car was probably different, you and I are not the same person, and we don't live in the same town.

Other than that, it was pretty similar.

Comrade Kevin said...

Wow! I saw the same thing happen in an episode of Miami Vice! The part of rolled up sock was played by Emilio Estevez. Strange sometimes how real life can mimic television.

Justin said...

p-t b:
"you and I are not the same person,"

Even only being part time, it still seems like a stretch to make this distinction.

Just the same, We, thank You for your nice compliment. j

Justin said...

Comrade K: I am not understanding: What else would life imitate?

Justin said...

The sock told me that writing like gertrude stein is a privilege reserved for people who have already written a book and not people who have conversations with socks.

Pepper Medley said...

Wow. I guess it's true: adjunct professors do make great hood ornaments.

QuillDancer said...

Justin, if you had E.T. with you, shouldn't you have been riding a bike?

goldennib said...

I can't believe you would give up a chance at true love just because the girl got a little excited over your possible death.

Maleah said...

Dear J.
You missed out on a great girl.
#1 She screams!
#2. She said "... you're alright," a ringing endorsement.
P.S. Your sock-rat could ring up that "Lambchop" character and ya'll could double date.

Jenn said...

What a deliciously sleepy street. I love the canopy of trees effect.

Oh yeah, glad you're OK and your movie's OK and you got to talk it over with a shape shifting rat.

part-time buddha said...

justin: A bit of a challenge? How about tomorrow you try to prove, by whatever means you see fit, that you and I are indeed the same person. I will take up the counter arguement.

Are you up for it? Or am I just talking to myself again?

Justin said...

pepper, That's no way to talk about hood ornaments! Adjunct, meaning not essential, makes it obvious that such people serve no real purpouse. But hood ornaments mean something! j.

Justin said...

Quilly, Tbat is such a narrow view of E.T. a lot of extra terrestials enjoy going for walks, and E.T. is no exception. J.

Justin said...

goldennib,To paraphrse Einstein while dressing up like Samuel Beckett: "Whatever her excitement about my death, I can assure you mine is still greater." J.

Justin said...

Maleah, Well it isn't the first time. And yet though it is obvious that I will never find true happiness I can't think of a more perfect partner for my shapeshifting rat as a sock, then lambchop. But if my shapeshifiting rat as a sock starts singing, 'This is the Song that Never Ends' I will destroy it.

Justin said...

jenn, aside from the traffic, it is a great place to get mugged. j.

Justin said...

p-t b. I'm still trying to figure out whether I believe in 'tomorrow', or if it is just a construct left over from the middle ages.

But I am pretty sure I find such concepts anachronistic. j

Orhan Kahn said...

I don't know where to begin..?!