With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Trilogy Friday: Part I:From the Chapter That Will Deal With Yesterday in My Autobiography.

(Pictured: Justin trying to undo the damage done to him.)

I realize that there is a debate amongst the online community as to whether or not a writer's life should be taken to account when reading their work. I don't have an opinion about this complicated theoretical debate. I will however be very open and honest about my life so that if it does matter you will be able to decode my writing: I personally hate being shat upon.

You can imagine my suprise when a bird choose to disrespect my wishes. I was on a smoke break with Steve the Immortal in the alley next to Carribou. I was explaining to him that since cigs. don't affect him (he's immortal) eventually the secondhand smoke is going to kill me.

And that he should be liable. Because I'm risking my life. At which point a bird shat all over me. The bird apparently had irritable bowel syndrome. Steve quickly leaped into action and began text messaging all of Cleveland that I had been shat upon. W/R/T prose style take that Hemmingway. And/or William Shatner.

27 comments:

QuillDancer said...

Poor Justin -- you will never again be quite the same, but take heart, I am certain the bird couldn't have been one of your readers.

Anonymous said...

chirp chirp chirp! chirp chirp. chirp, chirp chirp chirp. chirp chirp chirp, chirp chirp chirp chirp - chirp chirp - chirp chirp? (chirp chirp :P)

birdnerd said...

Nature is undeniably cruel. As Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to being shat upon."

Jenn said...

I was speaking to an ornithologist just the other day and she told me that bird poopie is lucky.

Yeah, so celebrate Justin. Something really special is heading your way. Ummm look up, look up, look up.

Keep your mouth closed when you're looking up though...or the effects could be somewhat (what's a five syllable word for EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!?)

Jenn said...

Justin can I be low for a while?

(I know this is a highly intellectual blog and we are supposed to be keep our minds out of the gutter and converse on higher concepts and throw around names like Derrida and Althusser and Foucault, but I don't know who they all are except that Althusser killed his wife with a tea towel, which I think is a kinda cool story for a super intellectual and it appeals to my more pedestrian way of thinking)

If your shirt was in the shower, does that mean that when you took that picture, you were like barechested?

hot coffee girl said...

Justin-I think that this is proof that we DO sometimes need to know the story behind the story.

Or else, it's just shit.

goldennib said...

See now I'll have to read your blog becasue I feel sorry for you. I should be reading your material based on its merits, but you have now thrown in the pity factor.

RogueHistorian said...

One of my friends had this happen to him as he was trying to BBQ one day. A pidgeon shit on his head, so he cleaned up and went in search of his air rifle. He couldn't find it, so he decided to let it go and return to his grilling. Damn bird did it again. My friend is not one to let this sort of thing go twice. He went in seach of his rifle again and was successful. He went back outside, half expecting the bird to have flown off, but there it was. He made quick work of it and fed the thing to one of his cats. Personally, I think it was an appropriate responce. The cat thought so, too!

Justin said...

quilly: What...not one of my readers....who doesn't read COI?

Justin said...

anonymous: Please read rogue historian's comment. It has give me some good ideas. J.

Justin said...

birdnerd: if Darwin is right, than nature is much less cruel than I had imagined.

Justin said...

jenn: I don't know if I would trust anything an eye doctor says. j.

Justin said...

jenn: like most fashionable people I was wearing a long sleeve shirt under my t-shirt. sorry. j.

Justin said...

hot coffee girl: I am simply a humble writer, who can't figure out such complex debates. But I appreciate your smartness. J.

Justin said...

goldennib: Do you think if I take the pity up a notch, you would WRITE the blog for me? that would really help. j

Justin said...

roguehistorian: As a strict Tolstoian I wouldn't have a gun on hand; and my coordination isn't good enough to throw the bird directly into the cat's mouth. But if this keeps happening I think I'll get better.

QuillDancer said...

Justin, made the bird WAS a COI reader and he was just posting his comment ...

Afou said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Afou said...

If you don't want to trust a doctor trust me
In my place, when a bird shits on you, means very good fortune
We have the custom to conjure all the bad things this way
If you see a person dying in your dream, means very good health for him/her, if you break a glass of wine and make the place a mess, that is good fortune for the owner of the place
So, take advatage of your good luck and pray for a bird to shit on you every day....

reno said...

Hello !

Greetings from Belgium !

Cheers.

Reno

Elizabeth Prata said...

Studies have shown that second hand smoke leads to shit.

WIP said...

i've been away, i've come back.

I read your post but can think of naught to say.

WIP

Annnna said...

Interesting

goldennib said...

Justin: It would require flying cows.

ant said...

Supposedly when shat upon, it means good fortune is on the way.

I never really believed in it though but it's a nice though, no?

Excellent post.

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