With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

I Would Like to Address What is On Everyone's Mind.


I guess we all know that Star Jones is leaving the View. What this practically means is that my newly acquired letters by the prolific C Monks are probably going to skyrocket in value. (See picture of letter displayed against my breadmaker. I don't have a frame that would be a good fit, so that's the best I can do for now.)


I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is, "Has Justin secured this invaluable piece of both literary and day time television history?" The answer is yes. It is completely safe. I have installed the latest in high tech security systems. Allow me to address the evildoers who would try and steal my valuable piece of literary/t.v. history.
A MESSAGE TO EVILDOERS
"If you even try to open that door the bottle will plummet to its shattering, glassy death. You will be scared, and I will be alerted. Plus, if you had tried to be my friend instead of stealing from me I would have given you some of my delicious beer bread made with Choclate Stout. True, it probably isn't as absolutely healthy as I had planned on eating when I started making my own bread. And economically, each loaf I have been making is coming out to about $3.00 a loaf (not including labor). Which I'm starting to see is not much of a deal. But you are an evildoer, so such matters don't concern you. The point is, I finally own something that is invaluable and you can't have it! Thank you for your time and don't forget to buy something from my Store."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

your bread machine kind of looks like a toilet tank.

Jenn said...

Can I have some beer bread?

Or do I have to break into your penthouse first?

Justin said...

anonymous-that says more about you than my breadmachine. j.

Justin said...

jenn--I am sorry but the FDA doesn't allow COI to ship food to countries that don't exist. If you are in the area, I would happily make you a wonderful loaf of bread and even through in a bottle of wine. j.

Justin said...

jenn--I know you knew what I meant when I said through in a bottle of wine.

Finding Fair Hope said...

What? Star Jones is leaving The View? What will they do without her extraordinary taste, talent and good looks? Oh, wait a minute. I thought you said Katie Couric was leaving Today. That would be hard to take. Who is Star Jones? What is The View? I think I'll go read a book or have a bottle of stout and calm down. Thanks for ruining my day, Joshua or whatever your name is.

Oberon said...

......star jones is leaving the view?!!!.......nobody ever tells me anything.....who will replace her?.....or does that even matter?

Jenn said...

Um I am assuming you meant "throw". But one never knows with you Justin. You could have meant that you would be making the bread through a haze of wine.

My country does so exist! I mean just because I'm your imaginary friend (or commenter - maybe you are writing these things yourself Aristophanes) doesn't mean I don't come from a real country.

I am reading Infinite Jest now. On your recommendation. Tell me, do you also refer to them as "subjects"? I would be interested to know.

QuillDancer said...

Justin, I tried to order a set of 8 of your classic coffee mugs, but the check-out site kept sending me a bright red "enter a valid credit card" message. The guy down on the corner who sold me this one insisted it was valid. Go figure.