With Continual Reference to Justin Kahn.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

10 Things that you can do with a Ph.D. Diploma

I usually don’t write on demand, but my friend Dr. Margot, requested that I come up with the top ten uses for a Ph.D. Diploma.

10. Give Justin his U2 CD’s back.
9. Like most Ph.D.’s put it into a giant frame. I don’t think Ph.D.’s ever actually fit into the frame.
8. Keep it your purse and make a big show of it at the checkout line, mumbling,
“Let’s see I know I have a coupon in here somewhere, No, that’s my Phd, my M.A…..”
7. Reduce the size on a photocopier, make copies and use your Ph.D. as stationary.
6. Give Justin his Alanis CD’s back.
5. Have the diploma printed up on T-Shirts, sell the T-Shirts on your blog, use the income to offer financial incentives for leaving comments on your blog.
4. Use it to demonstrate to people that you are a doctor and than open a practice.
3. Roll it up real tight around a ½ inch pipe and hit people with it who don’t refer to you as Dr. Margot.
2.Use it as part of the documentary evidence for your good character when put on trial for beating various innocents who referred to you as ‘Miss’, ‘Margot’, etc., as per #2
1.Use your diploma to suffocate your cats with, not the Happy one, but the one that threw up on me.

2 comments:

silent T said...

very funny, It was very much enjoyed by my lab. I didn't really understand #'s 10 and 6. My favorite is #8, and #3 will come in very handy with my students.

Anonymous said...

I dislike cats.

-a time traveller