Mail Bag

Hey kids. I'm busy. And frankly a little bit discouraged from the recent surge of negativity. So I thought we'd dip into the mail bag for today's post.
Dear Conceptofirony:

If Mediocre, Fraud, and Crap got together; drank a keg each; started writing a blog; left the t.v. on and focused more on the television thanthe writing of the blog, it would still be better than yours.
Sincerely,
Bob
Well, thanks Bob for your email. I'm not entirely sure what your qualifications are but I'm sure they are fantastic qualifications. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to think of some kind of prize for people who take the time to write me. So accept my deepest thanks as a small token of appreciation.
Dearest readers. Pleasee stay tuned. Something rather incredible happened today. I hope to write about it soon.

Pouring My Heart Out

You, my dear readers, probably think that my blog is the last place you would find wild, unrestrained emotions. And you would be right most days. But not today.
When I started this Blog, I did it purely as an act of Love. The International Consortium of Bloggers is paying me a paltry $22.00/hr for my work on this project. I am actually LOSING money by doing this.
That's why I am a little bit distraught by the outpouring of negativity--both gramatically correct and not so much correct grammarise--negativity.
I am of course referring to the comments below.
Now, I am seriously thinking about giving up blogging.
Dear readers. Let's build a community of 'Positvitinessousiousness', in the words of our president, rather than of, "Negationisitivity"
The fact is--and I'd prefer this not to get around--my life's goal is currently aimed at publishing another dozen things online and getting a few of my longer works in print. But after that, I just want to be a has been. You won't have to put up with me and 'annoyingness' or 'irritations.'

Whether ‘tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune

Do you ever have one of those days were nothing seems to be going right? Where life seems futile? That the only serious question worth asking is, “Should I go on?”
I don’t.

Cluttering up the Web

I'm back to posting(sorry again about yesterday)
Look!
http://www.opiummagazine.com

For those who aren't reading it today:
http://www.opiummagazine.com/storykahnblade092705.html

There Will Not Be Any Post Today

I'm sorry, dear, faithful, largely imaginery readers. I am rather busy and unable to withdraw from my life to write about it. So, I thought as a kind of public service I would suggest a couple of my favorite websites:
www.google.com
www.yahoo.com
So there you have it. Sorry, again I couldn't post.

The Secret of My Success

You my dear readers, are the secret of my break through blogging success. I couldn't have gotten the outrageous numbers showing up on my counter at the bottom of the page if it weren't for you. You and my choosing to set the counter as starting with ten thousand, and spending a few minutes each morning clicking the refresh button, so as to create the illusion of an ever expanding crowd.

10 Things that you can do with a Ph.D. Diploma

I usually don’t write on demand, but my friend Dr. Margot, requested that I come up with the top ten uses for a Ph.D. Diploma.

10. Give Justin his U2 CD’s back.
9. Like most Ph.D.’s put it into a giant frame. I don’t think Ph.D.’s ever actually fit into the frame.
8. Keep it your purse and make a big show of it at the checkout line, mumbling,
“Let’s see I know I have a coupon in here somewhere, No, that’s my Phd, my M.A…..”
7. Reduce the size on a photocopier, make copies and use your Ph.D. as stationary.
6. Give Justin his Alanis CD’s back.
5. Have the diploma printed up on T-Shirts, sell the T-Shirts on your blog, use the income to offer financial incentives for leaving comments on your blog.
4. Use it to demonstrate to people that you are a doctor and than open a practice.
3. Roll it up real tight around a ½ inch pipe and hit people with it who don’t refer to you as Dr. Margot.
2.Use it as part of the documentary evidence for your good character when put on trial for beating various innocents who referred to you as ‘Miss’, ‘Margot’, etc., as per #2
1.Use your diploma to suffocate your cats with, not the Happy one, but the one that threw up on me.

There is more to life, Horatio, than is written about in my blog

Friends and Family and Creepy Stalker People! I shall do my best to inform you of my life, but you can not bring your life to a standstill just to read about mine! BTW, I had eggs for breakfast today!!!!!!!!

Cosmopolitan Justin

Justin Kahn has gone international. Here is something from one of my reader’s in Australia:
And I think you should keep up blogging, if for no other reason than
that I want to be a good programmer. I plan to try to hack into your
blog and use it for my own purposes. If I can do that, it will show
that I have some coding skills. Good for a resume.

What encouragement! I’m glad that my Australian Readers are making plans for future collaborations, rather than simply sitting around getting eaten by poisonous snakes.
I never imagined when I started this blog (last Friday) that I would develop such a cult following. But what must be, is. Or were. Or something.
Also, note on the sidebar I have updated “Justin in Translation.” I’ll use it to collect translations of my publications and blog entries. Please let me know if you find something I have overlooked. Does anyone know if my work has been translated into Old English yet?

I am Become Death.

I will be the first to admit, I have not become death. But it sounded cooler than I am become real tired. Which I am. Tired, not death. Maybe, because I just took a nap. I will keep you updated on my energy levels, by posting under highly misleading titles in future posts.

Homer (II)

I've been reading more about Homer. I think the evidence is more in favor of a group of ancient bards, who were illiterate and followed a complex set of rules for oral compositions, since they were all illiterate. What this means is that the inspiration for my blog (see below), probably never actually existed. Which puts me back in the position of thinking that blog represents a personal challenge, I am unable to surmount. D'Oh!

Back Story

This is how it all started. With a letter:

Dear Justin:
Thank you for your recent application for the position of Blogger.
As you know from years past, there are thousands, nay millions, of people who would like to Blog, but we only have a few spaces that can be filled.
Because of the exclusive nature of this undertaking, we are happy to announce that you have been awarded the position of Blogger, beginning in September 2005. You will be hired on an “At Will” basis. This means that either party can terminate the relationship for any reason whatsoever.
You are being welcomed into one of the world’s most elite groups, like being the President of the United States. Don’t abuse your powers.

The International Consortium of the Blog

Homer

I've been thinking about giving up on the blog. It is kind of a lot of work. But than I was inspired by Homer. According to tradition, he was blind and historical evidence almost guarantees that he was illiterate. Yet, he still managed to create great epics and found Western literature. Ergo, since I can read and have 130/20 vision, I should be able to blog.

Unexpected

I really just set this up to see how it is done and never meant to actually blog, but given the amazing outpouring (see comments below) I may stick with it.

The Beginning

It all begins with a post, thrown together, so as to view your own blog.